Friday Jun 09, 2006

0
a tangle of calamities twisted into a knot constricting the flow of truth.

memories fade into view
faint light in a dark room
set the stage, give the cue
a young boy
a bike
some thing
a small stern face
looking on in self-digust
transfering hate
like kisses of fists and words
each leaving their mark

in the present moment
but far removed
by the shapes defined
with past intentions
and misunderstandings
bulding a bridge
a tunnel for attentions
and conventions of habits malformed

the scene imagined
disrupting the flow
of possible anquish
and healing from realizing
the repition of ignorance
so painful, it hovers
outside of clear explanation
illucidation -- a knife
cutting into the throat

The more I create
the more I hide
the brighter the light
the greater the shadow
the passion and horror
of living and dying
battling this ebb
seeking in between
where life is revealed
by what is unseen.

SPOILERS! (Click to view)

sorry, this is such a distant moment, but a memory that seems just like yesterday. I used to look on such moments with anger and sadness, now it's just numbness. I feel so removed from what appears to have happened, that I sometimes find it hard to believe that it (or any memory) played a part in determining/making me who I am. Or rather the illusion of who I am. Who I really am, who we really are cannot be made real by simply imagining that it's true. My life has become what it is all the while I thought I was being something else for reasons that haven't been questioned for far too long. Like when it happened, I thought I could run or maybe just hide for long enough to get away from it, to remove myself from the moment, such a terrible moment that I just couldn't understand when it was happening. Well, now I can all but walk right up to it to touch it. I see can the lines of intent, drawn by lines engraved with thoughts of pain and anguish inspiring the mind of the creator. So misunderstood, I could only run or hide. Now, I can see that what I was running from was a ghost of a defining event however long ago. I am trailing off into excessive vagueness. nevermind...

VIEW 6 of 6 COMMENTS
ambrosio:
Hey, my man. Glad you're getting some lucidity. I've been out of the dream/OBE thingtoo much going on, need all of what little sleep I get right now. Classes: yeah, I'm teaching them along w/ some other members, also starting a study group. Not as fun as praxis (ie, group ritual), but a good way to get out of my own head for a while. Speaking of, sounds like you have some heavy stuff happening in yours. I don't have any great insights, but I sincerely hope you sort it out, friend. Ttys.
drave:
IM sad that I didnt see you at the concert!!! Im really sad. I was in row A. in the middle and I hung out on the lawn for the first opening band.
Trent looks so different with his shaved head. wink

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