zazie

this is why everything is wrong

and
i think im getting dumped.
i swore I would never give me heart again.
and look where it got me.


ahhh
i just want everything to go ok for once. I was actually positive
this time things would work out. What did I do wrong? I
hate the fact I can't fix mistakes I dont know happen. Im so
confused. I could use a best friend right about now.
Someone to atleast talk to. Everyones so busy. Even
him.

I thought maybe I could work myself into his life, just a little
bit. Even if I wasnt there ALL THE TIME( thats ok with me) Just
to know, im there, in his heart. I'm to emotional and hopeless
for ANYTHING I think. I try to hard to be the nicest I can.
And then I end up doing something completely opposite. I
could be doing so much with my life. But I dont know how
to. I want to have potential to be the best I can. I want
to meet people who can enrich my life. Make me learn to grow, and
become a better person.



a few things i need to get out:

---------------------------------------

I'm not going to be everything you want.

I do tend to make (a lot) of mistakes .

I don't appreciate the way I always look, that doesnt mean I don't believe what you think about me.

I sometimes get nervous around people and tend to shy away.

I'm very insecure, and tend to let my mind wander.

NO I will not give you any sexual favors.

All the rumors you heard, are probably not true.

chocolate is godly.

i cant be anymore then i am, and i wont be any less then i am.

you either appreciate me for me, or don't ask me to even have any respect for you.

I don't NEED you to love me, but know I love you.

I will always be here, even if you dont need me.

my friends are my world.

and you all are my friends.

i dont look at anyone like this but you.

and no one makes me feel this kind of nervous like you do.

i know that you deserve better then this.

thats why everything must be.

you all have no idea how hard it is to try not to be like my father.

all I ever wanted to be was a friend, a good friend.

------------------------------------------------------------------





I don't feel I should be letting everyone into my thoughts. I
feel that only if people want to be there, they will. And if they
dont want to. Then, there's nothing you can do about it.
But I'm tired of sharing my emotions and trying to meet and open
myself up to people who don't care.



so either, you want to be there or you dont.

im not going to try to be anything more then just "there", from now
on. Theres only so much you can do. I used to think,
everyone has potential to be a good person. Now I know how very
wrong I was.



only 5 more days till my birthday. I'll be 21. It's so amazing how fast time flys by.



hmm.

:-\-------------------