So Its new years eve. one more year in the past, and another one coming on full speed ahead. Its been stressful, its been crazy, but overall I would have to say it was one of my better years. I've made incredible steps towards my future, finally. I feel like I might have a shot at making many of my dreams come true. My family curse seems to be broken, and noone died this year. hopefully we can keep that up. I've had enough of that over the past ten years. (every two years for the last 12 now someone in my family has passed away, but not this one 
) I've got an incredible fiance, and though we are having problems right now hopefully they shall pass. and I've got a nephew, new blood in the family breathing new life into us all.
Why is it then i find myself more, and more depressed everyday. I've got so much going on I'm entiely too stressed. My punching bag is back in the kzoo, sex just isn't happening right now, and all my friends live at least 150 miles away. I have no stress relief in other words, and I awoke this morning wishing i had something to beat on, just for a few minutes. I don't beat on people, just inanimate objects. but that passed, I'm just worried I'm going to lose it sometime soon if something doesn't change. I've an incredibly long fuse, but when it blows it really blows. I tend to say, and do things i always regret I lose friends, and opportunities due to my stupidity. this worries me. Ever since i've met this girl, and began living with her i haven't been at this level, and now i am I'm worried that I'm going to hurt her emotionally, I'm worried I'm going to blow all the wonderful things I've been working so hard for, which would of course follow my typical self destruction cycle. BUt I was thinking perhaps I had moved beyond that part of my life, and perhaps I have. Thus that is my only new years resolution, because I believe in living life as I should, and I don't do things I don't want to do, I only resolve to stick to it, and not allow myself to ruin the opportunities I've created.
So long year, see ya on the flip side.
--Z
) I've got an incredible fiance, and though we are having problems right now hopefully they shall pass. and I've got a nephew, new blood in the family breathing new life into us all.
Why is it then i find myself more, and more depressed everyday. I've got so much going on I'm entiely too stressed. My punching bag is back in the kzoo, sex just isn't happening right now, and all my friends live at least 150 miles away. I have no stress relief in other words, and I awoke this morning wishing i had something to beat on, just for a few minutes. I don't beat on people, just inanimate objects. but that passed, I'm just worried I'm going to lose it sometime soon if something doesn't change. I've an incredibly long fuse, but when it blows it really blows. I tend to say, and do things i always regret I lose friends, and opportunities due to my stupidity. this worries me. Ever since i've met this girl, and began living with her i haven't been at this level, and now i am I'm worried that I'm going to hurt her emotionally, I'm worried I'm going to blow all the wonderful things I've been working so hard for, which would of course follow my typical self destruction cycle. BUt I was thinking perhaps I had moved beyond that part of my life, and perhaps I have. Thus that is my only new years resolution, because I believe in living life as I should, and I don't do things I don't want to do, I only resolve to stick to it, and not allow myself to ruin the opportunities I've created.
So long year, see ya on the flip side.
--Z
I'll even try not to kick my own ass before so I'll be able to put up a good fight. I know how you feel! Stick it out and give it your best!!!