zarphin

One year ago today I lost my soulmate to cancer, she was 28. Diagnosis to death took a startlingly short 4 months give or take a couple days. She was not yet my wife, but she would have been well on her way by now. Even had she lasted another year my life would be amazingly different. I can't begin to express everything I lost on that day, even trying to think about all the things quickly becomes entirely overwhelming. I have spent the day focusing on one thing, it has gotten me through a day at work, and will hold me over through the evening, when I go to get my daughter. I should be at a dinner with others who are grieving, but my ex wouldn't let me get my kiddo any earlier. Thankfully Kirin is kind enough to ride along with me, so I don't loose control on the way. Its the same drive I made many many times to see who I lost, and it is studded with memories, and places we spent time together. Still my focus remains on this, what we had, the bond, the friendship, all of it, is something I believe very few ever get to share, ever get to feel. I don't know that I'll ever find that level of bonding with someone in the future though I hope to. However, if I don't, to have had the two years with it, with that connection, to have felt those feelings, to know its there, its real, to be so completely understood, so completely at home with someone, even for a short time, is the truest blessing I have ever had in my life. I can't speak freely about this in many places, even amongst many of my friends, and so I once again use SG to let some of my real thoughts out. Thank Sean, and Missy, and a ten year old search for gothic girls that landed me here amongst so many so like myself.

Did you know its been ten years, yep just the other day. Amazing stuff, I think my ten year is around a month away. Love this site, as I have for ten years, and hope to for ten more.

--Z