zarphin

So, new year, new me. Last year, I left my wife to be with the woman I had fallen in love with, then that woman, My soul mate, was diagnosed with cancer, and four months later, she passed away. My ex wife has become a raving lunatic, and is treating me like shit. I kinda feel like I deserve it, but at the same time, I get pissed off, and want to strike back. This week I found out I had a kidney stone, was in the hospital for the first time ever, had a procedure, and went after that to get the rest of my stuff out of my old house at last. The house wasn't divided in the divorce, because its going into foreclosure, but She took all my stuff, put it in the garage, and locked the house up. I hadn't brought my keys, because the house was never locked, so I couldn't use the bathroom. My buddies and I nearly broke in, but I couldn't bring myself to give the go ahead. not totally sure of the law, so I held off. I'm so depressed and upset by the way my life has gone. It amazing how much I was looking forward to my life without her in my world, and now, without my soulmate, I've lost everything, nothing seems bright or happy right now. I do ok, day to day, but its just not what I had envisioned, and I worry I won't be able to move on again, and venture out there to find someone for me. My exwife, who swore she couldn't live without me, has a new boyfriend I think he moved in, that has me stressed cuz I don't know him, and now he is around my daughter quite a bit. I am excited about this week though, I get my daughter on wednesday night, and don't give her back until monday. Thats a longer weekend than normal, my ex is going to vegas with her new boyfriend, and I get to hang out with my daughter for that time. A big part of the reason I left was because I wanted my daughter to see me as she grew up as I am, a happy fun person, who doesn't get stressed. Which would have been easy with the new life I would have had. Now though, its difficult to know how she'll grow up around me. I'm not designed to be alone, I don't enjoy it. I do try ot get out here and there, though money is pretty tight, I force myself out with friends, and whatnot to keep a social life going, not going to end up a loner at home alone all the time. man. its been crazy for so long, and with the kidney stone, the year hasn't had the greatest start so far. Heres hoping thats as bad as 2011 will be, and otherwise its just going to get better and better. Being back in K-zoo is nice and good, so I do have hope, now just gotta bounce back from the stone, and start making plans again. nice to be on Sg a bunch again, I'm going to try to update this fairly often. I'm on FB all the time now, and here almost nightly. and here I can say whatever I want, tho nobody reads this anymore. its still nice to just let stuff out. no sex, no release, at least I can blog whatever on here and relieve some stress this way. hope SG land is well. Happy New Year. ttfn

--Z