Im in a lot of pain right now.
My spine feels like its two steps short of shattering. And to be honest....I really do think its possible. I already have 3 compression fractures......
I shouldnt really work at Blue Ridge with the way it is. If the paddling wasnt bad enough.....then you have to carry the rafts too. And at the end of each trip we have to carry the rafts up a big hill. We do this by balancing it on our heads...like a big sombero. About 100 pds (sometimes more....depends on the raft) of rubber pushing straight down on a crooked and already breaking spine.
I really shouldnt.....but rafting on that river is really what I enjoy more than anything else in my life. I refuse to give that up.
Ive actually thought sometimes that it is my depression pushing me....making me kinda self destructive. Slow and painful suicide.....
There is also a direct link between my back pain and how depressed I am (obvious at this point isnt it?) I guess when the body hurts the mind has to too.
So I sit here....trying not to move in a way that hurts and I think....
Talked to a friend earlier.....We havent hung out in a while. She just never has time. She was telling me tonight about how much fun she had hanging out with another friend of hers a lil while ago. Yeah....that hurt a little.
Got invited to a party by someone on myspace.....never actually met her before. I will go if I dont work that night.....but considering how shy I was at the game night a while ago, I can only imagine how shy Im going to end up being at a party where I literally no NOONE! Yeah....Im looking forward to a long night of sitting in a dark corner watching everyone else have fun and be happy *Sigh*
My back will likely still be hurting then too....
And then I got alot (I mean ALOT) of lady friends here online that are in relationships with someone who treats them like shit.....and so I sit here and think that I would treat her like a goddess...yet I cant even get a lady to look my way.
Soooo.....basicly all this entry is saying is that I hurt, Im lonely and Im depressed
Sorry....I just needed to write this.....if only just to give me something to do other than think about my back..
My spine feels like its two steps short of shattering. And to be honest....I really do think its possible. I already have 3 compression fractures......
I shouldnt really work at Blue Ridge with the way it is. If the paddling wasnt bad enough.....then you have to carry the rafts too. And at the end of each trip we have to carry the rafts up a big hill. We do this by balancing it on our heads...like a big sombero. About 100 pds (sometimes more....depends on the raft) of rubber pushing straight down on a crooked and already breaking spine.
I really shouldnt.....but rafting on that river is really what I enjoy more than anything else in my life. I refuse to give that up.
Ive actually thought sometimes that it is my depression pushing me....making me kinda self destructive. Slow and painful suicide.....
There is also a direct link between my back pain and how depressed I am (obvious at this point isnt it?) I guess when the body hurts the mind has to too.
So I sit here....trying not to move in a way that hurts and I think....
Talked to a friend earlier.....We havent hung out in a while. She just never has time. She was telling me tonight about how much fun she had hanging out with another friend of hers a lil while ago. Yeah....that hurt a little.
Got invited to a party by someone on myspace.....never actually met her before. I will go if I dont work that night.....but considering how shy I was at the game night a while ago, I can only imagine how shy Im going to end up being at a party where I literally no NOONE! Yeah....Im looking forward to a long night of sitting in a dark corner watching everyone else have fun and be happy *Sigh*
My back will likely still be hurting then too....
And then I got alot (I mean ALOT) of lady friends here online that are in relationships with someone who treats them like shit.....and so I sit here and think that I would treat her like a goddess...yet I cant even get a lady to look my way.
Soooo.....basicly all this entry is saying is that I hurt, Im lonely and Im depressed
Sorry....I just needed to write this.....if only just to give me something to do other than think about my back..
VIEW 11 of 11 COMMENTS
Take that shit seriously man, I want you to be able to raft when you're 75...
and I know, but we all get depressed and lonely sometimes, yeah, we see tons of desireable women in love with guys are are much less than us. The worst thing we can do is dwell on it. Being depressed makes us unattractive. Nice girls don't like guys who mope and can't give a real smile... Chin up man, things will get better. They always do...
i wouldnt fuck around with that for a while