zanafar

You cant imagine how broken hearted I am now.
And I deserve to feel even worse

There is this girl I work with. She is by far the most compassionate, passionate, and awesome person I have ever met in my life. She is seriously EVERYTHING I have ever wanted.
And she is about the only person to ever go so far out of her way to make me feel good. She has taken me out to meet her friends and is trying to make me part of her circle of friends. She is so kind to me when she has no reason too.
And she is about the beautiful woman I have ever seen.
But she has a boyfriend. Im dissappointed, but its not like I havent wanted to get with a girl I had no chance with before.

The problem arises with the fact that she actually likes me to. She has even said that if I had met her before her Boyfriend that maybe things would be differnt.

She has become by far the best friend I have ever had.....and me being the greedy fuck I am want more so much. Id like to steal her away from her BF. I really would. And if I thought for a second that he wasnt treating her right I would. But I met him. He is a very cool guy and fun to talk with. He is great. Much better person than I could ever hope to be. And she loves him alot. I wouldnt take that away from her even if I could.

Or so I thought.

Last night we stayed late to get some stuff done. We also had a lot of fun. She makes me smile alot. We could have been out only an hour late....but we stayed almost 4. We talked and joked. We talked about the problem that is manifesting too. I want the best for her. She is my best friend......of course I do.
The night also included a tickle fight, me giving her back rubs, and us laying on the floor of the store. Just laying thier cuddling. I have never in my life been so happy and so sad at the same time. Basicly things I shouldnt have done with a girl in a relationship. But it felt so good to hold her in my arms. And I also wanted to kiss her. Badly.

I cant be trusted around her.
I cant be trusted around her
I cant be trusted around her

Again...I have no prob with her guy. He is great and under differnt circumstances Id love to consider him a friend.

I dont want to be that kind of guy. I dont want to steal her away...even if I could. But I want her so much. She is everything I have ever wanted and she doesnt even realive what she really means to me.

I cant be trusted around her.

She would be much better off if I wasnt around. Eventually I will do something and it will cause problems between her and her boyfriend. She is my best friend.....and I want the best for her. And me being around is not the best for her.
I told her at work tonight that I cant hang out with her anymore.
I have to give up the girl of my dreams and my best/only friend so that I dont fuck up her happieness
Because I simply cant be trusted around her because Im a greedy fuck

I didnt go straight home after that. I sat in my car for a long time. I must admit that I had a few tears

After all my bitching about being lonely I start thinking about trying to take away her happieness. I dont even deserve the kind of love I am always whining for...........
She was upset at me when I told her I cant be around her anymore. But this is the best thing I could do for my friend when I have already messed her life up a good bit.

Sorry....but I dont think I will be around much for awhile. Not really in the mood you know