So this blog is not really ment for anything other than for me to get shit off my mind, in an attempt to makes sense of it all and make myself a lot less stressed out. So. Here. We. Go.
i am quite freaking out because i have less than a dollor to my name and hd to break my tattoo found to be able to do the things i needed to do.very very sad. i was so close to getting my next tattoo. the sad part is im working a job im getting paid the most in. only i now live on my own and i jumped in little to soon and am now playin catch up. which really really sux, but oh well i am happy with the move just stressed on financials.
i have been dating this girl for nearly four months now, and it is going unbelievably well, at least i think it is. this is the first woman to ever keep me interested and around for this long and i am completely entranced with how she can do this and with just how gorgeous this woman is and how i got so lucky to get her to even like me. but my emotional scaring with people i care for and the opposite gender run very very deep. there is this voice in my head that says that she will eventually leave me in quite an emotionally scaring way setting me back to my whorish ways, with not spending more than one fuck session with a woman no matter how good looking or intelligently enticing. she has done nothing to warnt this voice! in fact she has done nothing but open up to me and get closer to me and i have done nothing but open up and get closer to her. this voice is completely unwarranted and unwanted but i cant get rid of it. she went back home for the month and wont be back till February and the longer she is away the louder the voice gets. and yet she still has done nothing to warrant this voice and alarm bell in my head. i think i am just really fucked up when it comes to opening up and letting anything get close to me.reading this i realize i am an emotional reck. hmmmmm this i will have to dwell on later in more depth.
other than that school is going well, hell i was even in talks with opening up my own production company with a few friends and starting on a local reality tv show before we realized that the people that we were going to go in to business with were trying to fuck us over. good thing they knew absolutely nothing about the movie and TV industry and we caught them on there bullshit. either way we now have a name and beautiful project proposal for the future.
in the past i have burnt many bridges with people many of which probably want to see me fail, and i am still doing it. i am starting to believe i am a very abrasive personality with argumentative tendencies with everyone but the girl im dating. i follow her around like a little puppy dog. (i am so pussy whipped and we have never had sex!)either way i cant seem to keep more than a handfull of friends at a time. i just end up pushing people to the fringes.
any way this helped clear my mind and get my ducks in order even if they are still trying to eat each others brains. (did i mention they are zombie ducks? no? well they are, a bitch to deal with, but there you are.) well if you actually read this entire blog and are reading this now i think you deserve a cookie so here have a cookie!!!
ill leave you with this song
i am quite freaking out because i have less than a dollor to my name and hd to break my tattoo found to be able to do the things i needed to do.very very sad. i was so close to getting my next tattoo. the sad part is im working a job im getting paid the most in. only i now live on my own and i jumped in little to soon and am now playin catch up. which really really sux, but oh well i am happy with the move just stressed on financials.
i have been dating this girl for nearly four months now, and it is going unbelievably well, at least i think it is. this is the first woman to ever keep me interested and around for this long and i am completely entranced with how she can do this and with just how gorgeous this woman is and how i got so lucky to get her to even like me. but my emotional scaring with people i care for and the opposite gender run very very deep. there is this voice in my head that says that she will eventually leave me in quite an emotionally scaring way setting me back to my whorish ways, with not spending more than one fuck session with a woman no matter how good looking or intelligently enticing. she has done nothing to warnt this voice! in fact she has done nothing but open up to me and get closer to me and i have done nothing but open up and get closer to her. this voice is completely unwarranted and unwanted but i cant get rid of it. she went back home for the month and wont be back till February and the longer she is away the louder the voice gets. and yet she still has done nothing to warrant this voice and alarm bell in my head. i think i am just really fucked up when it comes to opening up and letting anything get close to me.reading this i realize i am an emotional reck. hmmmmm this i will have to dwell on later in more depth.
other than that school is going well, hell i was even in talks with opening up my own production company with a few friends and starting on a local reality tv show before we realized that the people that we were going to go in to business with were trying to fuck us over. good thing they knew absolutely nothing about the movie and TV industry and we caught them on there bullshit. either way we now have a name and beautiful project proposal for the future.
in the past i have burnt many bridges with people many of which probably want to see me fail, and i am still doing it. i am starting to believe i am a very abrasive personality with argumentative tendencies with everyone but the girl im dating. i follow her around like a little puppy dog. (i am so pussy whipped and we have never had sex!)either way i cant seem to keep more than a handfull of friends at a time. i just end up pushing people to the fringes.
any way this helped clear my mind and get my ducks in order even if they are still trying to eat each others brains. (did i mention they are zombie ducks? no? well they are, a bitch to deal with, but there you are.) well if you actually read this entire blog and are reading this now i think you deserve a cookie so here have a cookie!!!
ill leave you with this song