The one we keep around our hearts. My cousin has lost her battle with cancer. Since then I've not been the same, it's a feeling that's hard to describe but I'm sure many out there have felt or are currently feeling. Lately the only way I've been able to open up about how I've felt is while severely inebriated. I don't know why I can't let myself open my heart to those around me and feel the pain I've been fending off. Every time I feel it breaking through I build another layer to the wall. And despite my best efforts all it takes is a picture or a song to bring it crumbling down and it's all I can do to put another wall up before it sinks too deep. At her funeral I couldn't even bring myself to look at her picture. Seeing her smiling face was just a cruel reminder of the promises I made that were left unfulfilled. The only time I even let myself shed a tear was when I knew no one could see me. Even then I quickly dismissed it because I couldn't even bare to look at my own reflection in the car window.