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zafrina

Seattle, WA

Hopeful Since 2008

Followers 839 Following 577

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Sunday Mar 22, 2009

Mar 22, 2009
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Ok so here it goes. This may be a long one guys. So I just got back my scores for finals, well for at least two of the classes, and I got a D and a C.... I should have gotten B's and A's in those classes. I totally fucked myself. I am going to fail the other class, I failed all the Exams they just haven't posted the final grades yet. I totally let myself down. Totally and utteraly let myself down. I am not the type that fails at school, I am not the slacker girl who doesn't even go to class but this quarter I was... I was that girl.

Fuckkkk I hate that I did this. Its no one's fault but my own. I royally fucked myself on this. I just found out that I have exactly three quarters left of tuition money in my fund. Thats it. With my grade point average I have right now I won't get a scholarship. (The below spoiler may be triggering for people who have cut... or had issues with self mutilation, skip over if you don't want to read it)

SPOILERS! (Click to view)

I feel ike I've fucked myself so much why don't I just cut again? I've wanted to for awhile now I just haven't because I can't bring myself to break my streak of recovery you know? Its like I know I'll just be dissapointed in myself if I do it. But that stupid other lil addict part of me keeps whispering say, on just one lil cut... just one won't hurt...



Because I am under 25 any grant, and scholarship normally, is based on your parents on income. My dad makes to much... its kinda fucked I realize. Oh and now that I've totally and utteraly fucked myself grades wise I am even more screwed for scholarships.

I am also getting my hours at work cut because we are over on spending. We are pretty much out of money till july. So they are cutting back on everyone hours. Well the issue is I only work 17hrs a week normally... so they cut me down to 8... um... yah... fucked. I work another job but its like I've been there for 6months. I shouldn't be getting fucked like this yah know? I mean I realize it could be alot worse considering she could be laying me off, I am very thankfull she isn't do that.

Oh joy, my neighbors have begun partying again.. I know I know because being up till 2:30 last night apprently wasn't enough...

oh and one of my friends just got put in jail for a seriously fucked reason.... take my word for it.

grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, the courage to change the things I can and the wisdom to know the diffrence..

Fun news? I learned to shoot a gun, heh, it was fucking rad.

raynne:
*hugs* I am sorry things seem to be really shitty right now and for the risk of sounding really cliche... it will get better... not right away but it will. it has before and it will again kiss
Mar 22, 2009
weston:
Sorry to hear that things aren't going so well. Hope they turn around soon and everything works out!
Mar 22, 2009

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