zac

i've spent most of my life, since i gained some tiny foothold of independence from the still-living ghosts of my parents, questioning all that is around me.
for the most part.
i can't say that i have followed each question to its end, i'm far too accepting, too tolerant and too understanding for that to really be true.
but i'm starting to think that if you ask questions long enough you lose any sense of an answer. which makes me think that maybe (and i know this is quite a leap in this little unspoken monologue, but) maybe the kind of people that throw themselves into something like a religious faith have got a lot more figured out. figured out as in, while they themselves won't know any answers, there is something in their lives that prevents a large number of questions from being asked to begin with.
so while i sit around grinding atoms between my teeth and dropping chalk with hopes that the sun might extinguish itself, they can actually get something done.
since i stopped drinking so damn much, it occurs to me that my drinking wasn't even close to the problem. not that i'm going to start boozing every night again, just that that symptom had very little to do with the actual disease.
i keep feeling like i'm getting closer to something that i was looking for.

the biggest problem in my life right now, however, is that revelations aren't worth much money.