Having a good day today...
a) My friends who i wrote about the other week have been cleared of all charges.
b) That camera i have been repeatedly mentioning on eBay sold for 165.02!!!!?!111!!!
c) I have a job interview tomorrow morning, i don't want the job but hey.
d) I made mars bar cake this morning - quick, simple and very yummy...
e) I now have a 'date' on friday with an exceptionally hot temptress...
I have been reading over Guy Brownings 'Never Hit a Jellyfish with a Spade' again lately and i thought i'd recite on of my favorite pieces for you all to enjoy (however many of you there are that actually read this journal). Anyway...
How to... be a good kisser
Before kissing, remove all foreign objects from the mouth, including pipes, cigarettes, pens, musical instruments and beards. If you are both wearing dental braces, do not attempt to kiss without the fire brigade in attendance with heavy cutting gear.
Make sure you clear the mouth of all food - remember you are kissing, not attempting to feed by regurgitation. Resist the temptation to be cute by passing your boiled sweet from mouth to mouth of your partner - one man's butterscotch is another woman's pineapple chink.
Kissing is a specialized technique and should not be confused with any of the following functions of the mouth, such as blowing, sucking, chewing, spitting, gnawing, talking or singing. Do not attempt to blow into someone's mouth unless you suspect they are having difficulty breathing. If you really feel the need to blow into something try the ear, or a bassoon if there's one handy.
Unless you are Pavarotti, don't sing during kissing. Quite understandably, a lot of people are happy during kissing and inadvertently start humming - make sure it's 'The Very Thought of You' rather than 'The Dambusters March'. Biting and nibbling have their part to play in kissing, but go easy: a kiss is not a snack.
Obvious perhaps but pre-kiss positioning is important. If you're not the same height, adjust yourself accordingly. Lying down is good although this may have the wrong signal at the kissing stage. Now half close your eyes, invade their body space, and make your lips look like an excitable monkey. If you're on the receiving end, this is not a good time to blow your nose, turn away or make a phone call. Instead. you need to replicate their actions and also tilt your head the same way as your partner, other wise you'll end up ducking and diving like a pair of confused goldfish.
On contact with the opposition, kissing should commence with some gradual puckering. At this stage, it is not recommended that you uncoil your tongue like a fire hose and drop it down your partners throat. Especially if it is a social kiss with a friend of your mother.
Once the tongue has been deployed, don't let it sit there doing nothing like a dishcloth on a draining board. What's required is a bit of playful exploratory work which is high on wit but low on slobber. But don't over do it - your partner should feel as though they have been kissed passionately, not had half an hour with a dental hygienist.
Hope you learned something kids!
a) My friends who i wrote about the other week have been cleared of all charges.
b) That camera i have been repeatedly mentioning on eBay sold for 165.02!!!!?!111!!!
c) I have a job interview tomorrow morning, i don't want the job but hey.
d) I made mars bar cake this morning - quick, simple and very yummy...
e) I now have a 'date' on friday with an exceptionally hot temptress...
I have been reading over Guy Brownings 'Never Hit a Jellyfish with a Spade' again lately and i thought i'd recite on of my favorite pieces for you all to enjoy (however many of you there are that actually read this journal). Anyway...
How to... be a good kisser
Before kissing, remove all foreign objects from the mouth, including pipes, cigarettes, pens, musical instruments and beards. If you are both wearing dental braces, do not attempt to kiss without the fire brigade in attendance with heavy cutting gear.
Make sure you clear the mouth of all food - remember you are kissing, not attempting to feed by regurgitation. Resist the temptation to be cute by passing your boiled sweet from mouth to mouth of your partner - one man's butterscotch is another woman's pineapple chink.
Kissing is a specialized technique and should not be confused with any of the following functions of the mouth, such as blowing, sucking, chewing, spitting, gnawing, talking or singing. Do not attempt to blow into someone's mouth unless you suspect they are having difficulty breathing. If you really feel the need to blow into something try the ear, or a bassoon if there's one handy.
Unless you are Pavarotti, don't sing during kissing. Quite understandably, a lot of people are happy during kissing and inadvertently start humming - make sure it's 'The Very Thought of You' rather than 'The Dambusters March'. Biting and nibbling have their part to play in kissing, but go easy: a kiss is not a snack.
Obvious perhaps but pre-kiss positioning is important. If you're not the same height, adjust yourself accordingly. Lying down is good although this may have the wrong signal at the kissing stage. Now half close your eyes, invade their body space, and make your lips look like an excitable monkey. If you're on the receiving end, this is not a good time to blow your nose, turn away or make a phone call. Instead. you need to replicate their actions and also tilt your head the same way as your partner, other wise you'll end up ducking and diving like a pair of confused goldfish.
On contact with the opposition, kissing should commence with some gradual puckering. At this stage, it is not recommended that you uncoil your tongue like a fire hose and drop it down your partners throat. Especially if it is a social kiss with a friend of your mother.
Once the tongue has been deployed, don't let it sit there doing nothing like a dishcloth on a draining board. What's required is a bit of playful exploratory work which is high on wit but low on slobber. But don't over do it - your partner should feel as though they have been kissed passionately, not had half an hour with a dental hygienist.
Hope you learned something kids!
VIEW 22 of 22 COMMENTS
roopie:
haha... I've never thought about kissing so much.. ever untill then...
ragdoll:
Thank you so much for taking the time to comment on my set sweetness. x x