Well i have to say today was an excercise in frustration. However, it is not without it's lessons.
This morning i got a e-mail from meagan from oldthyme herbs saying she could'nt come over with her freinds to sean's to party. Wich sucked and meant i would be alone for the night.
Well last night i went to the mall before work and stopped by hot topic. I hung out bought some stuff and a guy who worked there talked to me a lil and asked if i was interested in working there. I certainly have thought about applying before but figured with this guy asking me that they wanted me there and got all excited. I spent most of today at work filling out the application (I HATE FILLING OUT FORMS!!!). After work i went out behind larosa's and looked around. Since it was'nt five yet everyone was outside fucking around. I stood around and watched chris allen repeirce his nipples. Standing there with no shirt on and his HUGE aviator sunglasses on he looked alot like johnny knoxvile. I really wish i had a camera. I also noticed what a total fuckin dump it is out there. With all the moldy dumpsters, potholes filled with algae water, and the graveyard that's next door right in full view i saw how desolate and terrible that place looks. I need to bring a camera to work again sometime and take pictures of all the filth. It all looked so arty.
After work i dropped off my application at hot topic. I talked to this girl there whom i have a crush on and she asked me some simple questions. Altho i was so nervous i came off as being unintelligent. Afterwards she said "Well We'll keep in touch". At wich my heart sank. I know according to the whole way you females and masucline tough guys look at the world us men ar'nt supposed to get upset over these things. But i teared up a lil bit when i left. After the way i had been treated at old thyme herbs i really thought that would be the perfect place for me.
Afterwards things just kept going downhill. I started on my way to seans to drink beer and kick my shoes off. Basically forget hop upset i was. But instead i got lost. Had money stolen by broken payphones (I hate cell phones but one would have been useful) I Kept tripping and stepping in puddles. Jus lil things that start to build up and get on your nerves. Then i get to sean's. Happy as hell and ready to have a nice time. Only to find out (You Ready?)................ He forgot to place the key to the place where i told him to. ....... I know. I was PISSED! I looked for an hour. Then started contemplating breaking in (Nothing was gonna stand in my way of enjoying myself). So i found a payphone told my mom to call him in his cellphone. NO ANSWER. I called back and forth about 4 times. Then she got ahold of Sean's wife liz's sister. She said there was hidden there. I went found it and........ It would'nt unlock the second locks. That's right. each door had two locks but it only worked on one of them. After wich i called home three more times. Got fed up and came home. I was so sick and tired of EVERYTHING. I was the zen master on my way home. Drove the speed limit the whole way listening to tool. Jus shutting everything out. Being by myself. When i got home i jus sat around being tired,
However i had a turnaround. I took a bunch of ephredra pills and some gaurauna pills. My energy went throo the roof. And i spent a good hour play kung fu figting, talking, dancing, dressing up, and laffing with maddy. I felt wonderful. And now i've stopped being depressed. I've been soooo down for the past month. I've felt alone no matter what. Whenever i was with kaite i still felt alone. I felt like i have no freinds on the world. And while i may not have many dont care now. I've realized waht the beauty of love is. It's not asking what those people can give to you. But giving to them. I gave my attention to maddy for an hour, and i've recieved so much love i cant state how wonderful i feel. I've realized what my reason for being alive is. To give love to those around me, and to receive their's. I need to start giving more. And i know that no matter what, ill recieve that wich i have given back hundred fold. Then i'll give more, and recieve more. And keep giving not for the sake of recieving, but becuz the act of giving love itself is recieving. And so goes the the cirlce, on and on.
The Perfect Circle.
This morning i got a e-mail from meagan from oldthyme herbs saying she could'nt come over with her freinds to sean's to party. Wich sucked and meant i would be alone for the night.
Well last night i went to the mall before work and stopped by hot topic. I hung out bought some stuff and a guy who worked there talked to me a lil and asked if i was interested in working there. I certainly have thought about applying before but figured with this guy asking me that they wanted me there and got all excited. I spent most of today at work filling out the application (I HATE FILLING OUT FORMS!!!). After work i went out behind larosa's and looked around. Since it was'nt five yet everyone was outside fucking around. I stood around and watched chris allen repeirce his nipples. Standing there with no shirt on and his HUGE aviator sunglasses on he looked alot like johnny knoxvile. I really wish i had a camera. I also noticed what a total fuckin dump it is out there. With all the moldy dumpsters, potholes filled with algae water, and the graveyard that's next door right in full view i saw how desolate and terrible that place looks. I need to bring a camera to work again sometime and take pictures of all the filth. It all looked so arty.
After work i dropped off my application at hot topic. I talked to this girl there whom i have a crush on and she asked me some simple questions. Altho i was so nervous i came off as being unintelligent. Afterwards she said "Well We'll keep in touch". At wich my heart sank. I know according to the whole way you females and masucline tough guys look at the world us men ar'nt supposed to get upset over these things. But i teared up a lil bit when i left. After the way i had been treated at old thyme herbs i really thought that would be the perfect place for me.
Afterwards things just kept going downhill. I started on my way to seans to drink beer and kick my shoes off. Basically forget hop upset i was. But instead i got lost. Had money stolen by broken payphones (I hate cell phones but one would have been useful) I Kept tripping and stepping in puddles. Jus lil things that start to build up and get on your nerves. Then i get to sean's. Happy as hell and ready to have a nice time. Only to find out (You Ready?)................ He forgot to place the key to the place where i told him to. ....... I know. I was PISSED! I looked for an hour. Then started contemplating breaking in (Nothing was gonna stand in my way of enjoying myself). So i found a payphone told my mom to call him in his cellphone. NO ANSWER. I called back and forth about 4 times. Then she got ahold of Sean's wife liz's sister. She said there was hidden there. I went found it and........ It would'nt unlock the second locks. That's right. each door had two locks but it only worked on one of them. After wich i called home three more times. Got fed up and came home. I was so sick and tired of EVERYTHING. I was the zen master on my way home. Drove the speed limit the whole way listening to tool. Jus shutting everything out. Being by myself. When i got home i jus sat around being tired,
However i had a turnaround. I took a bunch of ephredra pills and some gaurauna pills. My energy went throo the roof. And i spent a good hour play kung fu figting, talking, dancing, dressing up, and laffing with maddy. I felt wonderful. And now i've stopped being depressed. I've been soooo down for the past month. I've felt alone no matter what. Whenever i was with kaite i still felt alone. I felt like i have no freinds on the world. And while i may not have many dont care now. I've realized waht the beauty of love is. It's not asking what those people can give to you. But giving to them. I gave my attention to maddy for an hour, and i've recieved so much love i cant state how wonderful i feel. I've realized what my reason for being alive is. To give love to those around me, and to receive their's. I need to start giving more. And i know that no matter what, ill recieve that wich i have given back hundred fold. Then i'll give more, and recieve more. And keep giving not for the sake of recieving, but becuz the act of giving love itself is recieving. And so goes the the cirlce, on and on.
The Perfect Circle.
i thought to be a sugar daddy
you had to be old and rich
and probably pretty ugly, hehe
comment in other people journals too.
why didn't you log in for three weeks?
holy f'n cow crap!