anyone want to share an opinion on the opening passage to my creative writing assignment?
"she sits up straight on the stool revealing her giraffe neck and bony shoulders underneath the bell-shaped glow of the light. you begin by studying her skin, the color of french vanilla ice cream, and her lanky arms, easily the length of a yardstick, maybe more. her sugary blonde hair is parted down the middle and kept behind her ears with the help of four barrettes, each decorated with a row of garnet stones. her oversize green eyes instantly catch your attention as does the ten-guage silver ring that pierces the circumference of her lip... she wears suede boots that stop at her knees and a fitted camisole that barely reaches the waistline of her satin miniskirt. there, you catch a glimpse of the tattoo that covers the landscape of her stomach and seemingly continues to her sex. a pair of opera stockings with holes the size of subway tokens covers the flesh between her boots and miniskirt, making her legs look like black licorice sticks standing before you."
"she sits up straight on the stool revealing her giraffe neck and bony shoulders underneath the bell-shaped glow of the light. you begin by studying her skin, the color of french vanilla ice cream, and her lanky arms, easily the length of a yardstick, maybe more. her sugary blonde hair is parted down the middle and kept behind her ears with the help of four barrettes, each decorated with a row of garnet stones. her oversize green eyes instantly catch your attention as does the ten-guage silver ring that pierces the circumference of her lip... she wears suede boots that stop at her knees and a fitted camisole that barely reaches the waistline of her satin miniskirt. there, you catch a glimpse of the tattoo that covers the landscape of her stomach and seemingly continues to her sex. a pair of opera stockings with holes the size of subway tokens covers the flesh between her boots and miniskirt, making her legs look like black licorice sticks standing before you."