Answers and Blatant Lies
"Yeah, well you never write me either, ya jerk." <- my answer to people 'just cleaning out their facebook friends lists', who also never talk to those people either.
"My sense of self-importance is MUCH BIGGER THAN YOURS." <- my answer to anything that person says after my first answer.
"How come you never asked me out?" "I didn't even know you wanted me to, ya jerk." <- old answer.
"How come you never asked me out?" "Currently I am physically crippled to a rather embarrassing degree, so in addition to the financial problems that have plagued me for most of my adult life, I am sadly incapable of 'doing you doggiestyle'. However, I am working diligently to solve both issues, and after I've done so, in the future if I should happen to find you in the middle of a particularly nasty divorce that has temporarily transformed you into a raging nymphomaniac, I will be more than delighted to aggressively submit to your desires." <- new answer.
"How are you feeling?" "I'm suckin' air." <- answer I give when I'm actually mildly cheerful, the 'I'm suckin' air' thing is a reference to a funny story Steve Huber told me.
"How are you feeling?" "I'm fine." <- blatant lie.
"WHERE IS MY DRAWING?" "I'll have it soon, Shannon/Greg, I swear" <- blatant lie.
