Letter to Sparky About Not Having Dyslexia
I understand you so much better now.
This morning I awoke, with my usual foggy head, to find that Brian had sent me an e-mail saying (at least I thought), that he wasn't going to be here this weekend, and wanted to know if I wanted to run a game in his stead. I groggily replied that no, I wasn't running the western game until at least next week. I then opened a mail from John, who had e-mailed everyone and asked if they wanted to play a Gamma World game or if I wanted to run something this Friday instead. I replied that I would really like to run some gladiator battles (an experimental thing I'd been working on, not a full game). Ace and John then ignored my reply and began talking about Gamma World again, so in my currently enraged state, I said I'd be somewhere else that day and logged off, fuming. Then Brian woke up for work shortly afterwards, and told me he'd be gone not this week, but next week. He was already scheduled to run a game himself this week, so I didn't understand what the crap was going on or what day everyone was talking about or anything.
I still don't know whats going on this weekend. I didn't want to go look at the thread in facebook about Friday again. I don't want to open the confusing letters the SSA keeps sending me. I get shakes and start shutting down when conflicting information hits my brain now. Last week I had to message Jaime and Britney three times and ask Jaime in person which day my two appointments were and which one I was supposed to bring a friend to, because I could not keep the information in my head stright. The words on a page became a big blur after a while. I know I am not dyslexic.
I know you may not understand the context of what I've said above, but the point is, I feel terribly sorry now for making fun of you being befuddled all these years. It's not so funny now that it's happening to me. I've been in shitty shape physically for a long time now, but if my mind is finally going, thats just going to fucking terrify me. I liked being ha-ha-funny-guy crazy. I do not like being honest-to-god-oh-jesus-this-is-an-enraged-hobo crazy.
It took me half a day to write this, because I kept falling asleep and losing my train of thought. I used to write letters like this in half an hour, tops.