yesenia

So, I came back from England in January - just to get my Spanish passport (and be part of the EU) and return to England within a couple months. Well, that didn't happen because my dad hasn't spoken to Spain in 35 years - so he had to prove that he is who he says he is, which he did, and now I have the paperwork I need to apply. It will be at least another couple months before I get my citizenship approved - that is if all goes well.

Soooooo, in the meantime my relationship with my fiance has become very fragile (due to the distance and stress of the situation), actually - it is fragile to the point where we are no longer engaged. My doctor found a lump in each of my breasts (and there is a history of breast cancer in my family). I have really fucked up tonsils (never had a problem before, but it's so bad now that I keep getting food stuck in my throat). I don't have health insurance (another stress for not being in England yet). I have some freckles that are most likely cancerous. I have 3 rotated discs, 2 pinched nerves, spurring, and bulging discs in my spine. I have chronic muscle knotting, arthritis in my neck and knees, and horrible anxiety and depression. My allergies and asthma are fucking killing me. My car needs a new radiator and has been over heating. My job keeps hiring new people that we don't need, causing my hours to get cut - and what happened to all my bartending shifts? Wtf?! I am on aaaallll table serving. Ughhh. My computer has a virus and shit itself, lost all of my files and photos. I am hitting my breaking point. I don't know how much more of this I can take. I'm scared and I am tired.

Before my time in England, I slept on couches for 3 months to save money for the trip. Sometimes a new couch every couple days. Since I have been back from England, I have been sleeping on an air mattress for 10 months. I have had my slow ass desktop computer on cardboard boxes for 10 months. I have had my clothes folded in suit cases for 10 months. I have been displaced and in limbo since July last year. What I would give to have my relationship back to normal, in England, with healthcare, and in a home with a real bed. I try so hard to stay active and positive, but in reality.... there is no fate - there are choices. And, life is not fair. If it was, 2 year olds wouldn't die of cancer.