yellowdays

i am now taking new applications for a lover. my last one doesnt wanna have sex anymore because apparently im not 'the one' which i think is rather funny as he is adimant about not wanting to be 'in a relationship' and doesnt ever plan on getting married. funny, i dont want a relationship right now either, and i dont ever plan on getting married, but i somehow lack this romanticized idea of love. im actually NOT looking for 'the one' as i am not convinced it exists. but to each their own. luckily we are super good friends and hanging out will not be a problem.
my personal problem is that i fall in love with my friends. i love my closest friends with my whole heart. i would do anything for them. if they murdered someone, and all of the evidence pointed to them blatantly i would stand behind them 1000%. im not really looking for anything more than that. i dont think that there IS more than that. besides i am pretty sure im in love with one of my friends anyhow. i have been for a long time. i just push it away cuz im pretty sure he doesnt feel the same way, and if he did, neither of us are in a position to give it a good go if we wanted to try being more than friends because both of our lives are soooooooooooo complicated and busy.
so i am looking for a new bed buddy. yup, mhm