today work was weird. in a lot of different ways.
first work part was weird. like the actual flow of things. it was really slow this morning and then really busy all afternoon, and most of the evening and then slowed down a couple hours before i left, but that isnt unusual for a saturday in my ER. it just didnt flow well. neither of the Dr.s were slow or moody, it just seemed off.
and my coworkers seemed weird. i can just sense this feeling from people that they feel differently about me now.
i dont care what people think about me or say about me. i never have. not when i was younger and my dad was a looser alcoholic and not when i was a teenager and was doing all sorts of crazy things with my hair and clothes. not when i was the only girl in the kitchen at work and got picked on. and i still dont. i dont care if people think im a slut or am being used or and using someone or what ever it is that people are saying about me. so what if i have a person that i have sex with. so what if we arent dating. what is the big deal. people dont know that we are really great friends, or know the things we talk about, or know what we believe in or that we arent sleeping with anyone else. none of them know us outside of work, none of them know that we are both really great people who arent looking for anything more that what we got going on.his sister in law works with us too and i worked with her last week and we were on our break together and she said to me ' you know people are talking about you right, about you and 'sex buddy' (ha! she clearly didnt call him that im just not going to name him) nad i laughed and i told her, yah we figured as much, but i dont care. and she looked at me funny and said 'ok i was just making sure you know cuz i care about both of you.' and i told her 'i know! and i appreciate you telling me and making sure i know. i just dont care what people think about me. they arent talking to me or him about it. they are just talking amongst themselves about us, so they dont care what is actually going on, they just want to make it up and talk about it. just cuz you work with someone doesnt make them your friend, and i only consider like 4 people my friends here and if they are talking about it too, then they arent my friends but i dont really care either way.' and she looked so surprised, and then i never asked her what any of them were saying....which i didnt realize until later anyhow....because i genuinely DONT CARE. but i do FEEL the difference. no one is treating me differently, but i can just feel the vibes of certain people.
its a curse. i dont know if i should meditate and focus on it, my vibe feelers, or if i should try to dumb it down. i think the first rather than the latter. i should read someones tarot here soon.
back to work tomorrow. it will be interesting im sure.
peace
first work part was weird. like the actual flow of things. it was really slow this morning and then really busy all afternoon, and most of the evening and then slowed down a couple hours before i left, but that isnt unusual for a saturday in my ER. it just didnt flow well. neither of the Dr.s were slow or moody, it just seemed off.
and my coworkers seemed weird. i can just sense this feeling from people that they feel differently about me now.
i dont care what people think about me or say about me. i never have. not when i was younger and my dad was a looser alcoholic and not when i was a teenager and was doing all sorts of crazy things with my hair and clothes. not when i was the only girl in the kitchen at work and got picked on. and i still dont. i dont care if people think im a slut or am being used or and using someone or what ever it is that people are saying about me. so what if i have a person that i have sex with. so what if we arent dating. what is the big deal. people dont know that we are really great friends, or know the things we talk about, or know what we believe in or that we arent sleeping with anyone else. none of them know us outside of work, none of them know that we are both really great people who arent looking for anything more that what we got going on.his sister in law works with us too and i worked with her last week and we were on our break together and she said to me ' you know people are talking about you right, about you and 'sex buddy' (ha! she clearly didnt call him that im just not going to name him) nad i laughed and i told her, yah we figured as much, but i dont care. and she looked at me funny and said 'ok i was just making sure you know cuz i care about both of you.' and i told her 'i know! and i appreciate you telling me and making sure i know. i just dont care what people think about me. they arent talking to me or him about it. they are just talking amongst themselves about us, so they dont care what is actually going on, they just want to make it up and talk about it. just cuz you work with someone doesnt make them your friend, and i only consider like 4 people my friends here and if they are talking about it too, then they arent my friends but i dont really care either way.' and she looked so surprised, and then i never asked her what any of them were saying....which i didnt realize until later anyhow....because i genuinely DONT CARE. but i do FEEL the difference. no one is treating me differently, but i can just feel the vibes of certain people.
its a curse. i dont know if i should meditate and focus on it, my vibe feelers, or if i should try to dumb it down. i think the first rather than the latter. i should read someones tarot here soon.
back to work tomorrow. it will be interesting im sure.
peace