last night a family friend passed away.
when i was 2 1/2 yr old my mom,dad and i moved into a house in my town down by the mall. there was a family next door with a daughter about my age. we became inseprable for the 5 yrs i lived there. we would talk on the phone while standing at the windows in our houses facing each other. we would spend days and days at each others houses. her dad passed away. i have nothing but fond memories of him. although we moved when i was 7 we stayed very close for a long time. we went to eachothers birthday parties and went fishing. her dad was a plumber in town, self employed. barbara and i went to junior high and high school together. graduated together. she ended up running away to england and getting married to this real loser guy and then moving back here. i remember her dad over fixing our toilet or something and i asked him how she was doing and he frowned and said ' michelle, daughters never listen to their fathers' apparently he beat her, so i heard through the town gossip, she later devorced him and the next time bob came over to fix something in our house( it didnt matter how busy that man was, we always got bumped to the top of his day when we needed something) he was much happier.
it was hard working at the hospital, knowing he was sick and in palitive care for months. it was hard giving his wife change everyday for the parking meter knowing she was in and out 8-10 times a day having to pay a dollar each time shed leave. not being able to really talk to them when they would see me at the front desk, because what do you say to a person? a person you were once so close to, you cant open with 'how is life' or 'what's new?' or even ' im so sorry' because they are in that state. i told my mom 'they have blinders on' like horses to keep them going straight. my best friends mom died of cancer 4 years ago, i watched her deteriate for months, until she was this skeleton with skin on it in a bed that didnt have that fire in her eyes, she was a ghost being kept alive by morphine because the pain alone would have killed her. i couldnt go and see him, to me he was dead as soon as i heard he had brain cancer, i have seen what it does to a person. i agree with euthanasia, the prolonging that happens in the world of medicine i dont agree with, that is why i could never be a nurse. i would check the in-patient list every day to see if he had gone yet. but no, it had to be while i was working, while i was in charge of the in-patient bed board. but in reality it was good, because my friend came to the desk looking for me, looking for a hug from someone who wasnt in the same place as her in that moment, looking for some strength and love. so i gave it to her. i let her cry, cling to me as she sobbed, go on about how it is so unfair and he was so young. i told her i am here for her. that i love her and her family. i havent cried yet. the funeral will suck. i havent been to one that doesnt!!!!!!
he was 51. that is my aged doubled. it is too young, cuz i got way more than another of my so far life spand to live. i better start living it that way.
when i was 2 1/2 yr old my mom,dad and i moved into a house in my town down by the mall. there was a family next door with a daughter about my age. we became inseprable for the 5 yrs i lived there. we would talk on the phone while standing at the windows in our houses facing each other. we would spend days and days at each others houses. her dad passed away. i have nothing but fond memories of him. although we moved when i was 7 we stayed very close for a long time. we went to eachothers birthday parties and went fishing. her dad was a plumber in town, self employed. barbara and i went to junior high and high school together. graduated together. she ended up running away to england and getting married to this real loser guy and then moving back here. i remember her dad over fixing our toilet or something and i asked him how she was doing and he frowned and said ' michelle, daughters never listen to their fathers' apparently he beat her, so i heard through the town gossip, she later devorced him and the next time bob came over to fix something in our house( it didnt matter how busy that man was, we always got bumped to the top of his day when we needed something) he was much happier.
it was hard working at the hospital, knowing he was sick and in palitive care for months. it was hard giving his wife change everyday for the parking meter knowing she was in and out 8-10 times a day having to pay a dollar each time shed leave. not being able to really talk to them when they would see me at the front desk, because what do you say to a person? a person you were once so close to, you cant open with 'how is life' or 'what's new?' or even ' im so sorry' because they are in that state. i told my mom 'they have blinders on' like horses to keep them going straight. my best friends mom died of cancer 4 years ago, i watched her deteriate for months, until she was this skeleton with skin on it in a bed that didnt have that fire in her eyes, she was a ghost being kept alive by morphine because the pain alone would have killed her. i couldnt go and see him, to me he was dead as soon as i heard he had brain cancer, i have seen what it does to a person. i agree with euthanasia, the prolonging that happens in the world of medicine i dont agree with, that is why i could never be a nurse. i would check the in-patient list every day to see if he had gone yet. but no, it had to be while i was working, while i was in charge of the in-patient bed board. but in reality it was good, because my friend came to the desk looking for me, looking for a hug from someone who wasnt in the same place as her in that moment, looking for some strength and love. so i gave it to her. i let her cry, cling to me as she sobbed, go on about how it is so unfair and he was so young. i told her i am here for her. that i love her and her family. i havent cried yet. the funeral will suck. i havent been to one that doesnt!!!!!!
he was 51. that is my aged doubled. it is too young, cuz i got way more than another of my so far life spand to live. i better start living it that way.
rin:
Oh, I saw Barb's facebook status...I feel so bad for her and her family. She is so lucky to have you! You are the ultimate love-machine. You are always there to give support to those in need. <3