i think im going to cancel my subscription to sg.
i should be writting in my journal more and i dont because as soon as im off here i go to bed,m then its off to work. inbtween is all filled with stupid costume stuff, that wouldnt be stupid if i werent in a such bad mood, but i think im going to concentrate on the costume and make it my 'look what i did even though i didnt really feel like it i still made art.' and then ill feel productive and confident. im so scared im gonna fuck it all up now that ive told everyone and everybody thinks im this great sewer and uh. blass and blass and blass.
so i huing out with paul for like 2 days straight, except when i was at work. i cant tell if he likes me. normal people its easy, the sequence of events would clearly indicate at least a slight interest romantically, but i donno, drug heads, whether in use or not, they just treat each other like old friends. usually when i meet a guy, i want him to think im only interested in a friendship because i know they arent interested, so i give off the friend vibe. i swear to gawd, i have turned it right off. i want him to want me, i want him so bad, i look at him, and he is what i want in a boyfriend. he doesnt make me nervous, what makes me horribly comfortable he makes me feel. he calms me down and i dont feel embarassed when i get loud and excited around him at all., i fucking get insicure with my sister when i get all excitable. and worst of all, he has the quality that draws me to people all the time, i can not read him. i have no idea if he likes me, and then when i try to figure it out my deep down insicurities pop up and i dont want to think about it anymore. i wish that i looked the way i do in my picture in my head. inez tells me ive lost weight and i think ive gained it, sleep, sleep will be good.
i should be writting in my journal more and i dont because as soon as im off here i go to bed,m then its off to work. inbtween is all filled with stupid costume stuff, that wouldnt be stupid if i werent in a such bad mood, but i think im going to concentrate on the costume and make it my 'look what i did even though i didnt really feel like it i still made art.' and then ill feel productive and confident. im so scared im gonna fuck it all up now that ive told everyone and everybody thinks im this great sewer and uh. blass and blass and blass.
so i huing out with paul for like 2 days straight, except when i was at work. i cant tell if he likes me. normal people its easy, the sequence of events would clearly indicate at least a slight interest romantically, but i donno, drug heads, whether in use or not, they just treat each other like old friends. usually when i meet a guy, i want him to think im only interested in a friendship because i know they arent interested, so i give off the friend vibe. i swear to gawd, i have turned it right off. i want him to want me, i want him so bad, i look at him, and he is what i want in a boyfriend. he doesnt make me nervous, what makes me horribly comfortable he makes me feel. he calms me down and i dont feel embarassed when i get loud and excited around him at all., i fucking get insicure with my sister when i get all excitable. and worst of all, he has the quality that draws me to people all the time, i can not read him. i have no idea if he likes me, and then when i try to figure it out my deep down insicurities pop up and i dont want to think about it anymore. i wish that i looked the way i do in my picture in my head. inez tells me ive lost weight and i think ive gained it, sleep, sleep will be good.
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rosita:
bahah I know I always right that but this time you actually made me bahahaha!!! Oh rotting my flesh gawd thats awesome. They have Land of the Dead and Dawn of the Dead box sets out right now. Guess what my mom is getting me for xmas?!! lol
rosita:
Igot you a present!! I got you a present!! I saw it today and had to buy it!! I was even late for class, but it was sooo worth it!! I can't wait to give it to you. Your going to LURV LURV LURV it!!!