Strange day today... Lots of emotions that aren't exactly mine, and mine, at the same time.
Jonny finally got word of his baby. It's a confusing situation, but, in a nutshell, he's married to someone who is with someone else far, far away who had his child on the 29th of June and up until today, he knew nothing about it.
He knew she was having his baby, but due to some fucked up... thingie, we'll say... he couldn't have anything to do with anything. This has been the source of much anger and emotional turmoil, not just for him (though i can only imagine), but for me too. Life is just not fair sometimes. It's not my situation, but i love Jonny so much, it feels so close. It feels like, because he's been so cheated, because he's had so much taken away, i just want to KILL. But ANYWAY, the baby is a boy, and his name is Isaiah, and he's beautiful (see for yourself, he's in my pics). 18 hours of labor ending in a caeserian. Good boy.
So, I don't really know much about much, but Jonny was on the messenger talking to mommy today for a while and it really was all i could do not to be peeking over his shoulder the entire time. First time he'd spoken to her in a couple months at least, and he said it was nice and amicable and good and all that... it's really hard not to hate her still. I mean, i really don't hate anyone, i just have a lot of hard feelings toward her. I know things happen and i know that lessons need to be learned, even when they're hard ones, but grr... Jonny and i had dated a really long time ago and broken up and just when i thought we coulda had another chance, she steps into the picture. And it really was like i had the carpet pulled out from under me. He seemed all primed and set up for me to scoot on back in there, but my back was turned for a minute and there they are, getting cozy. It really wouldn't have been so bad if he hadn't lived so far away and we'd been having sweet email convos and i was 90% sure that my visit up to him was going to result in... well, whatever. The time in between our last emails and me getting up there was fatal. She'd already stepped in. Then, whatever, she gets preggers, they get married, she gets a boyfriend, yadda, yadda... boom. So angry. So many things that didn't have to happen. Dear lord, who the hell's going to clean up all this spilled milk?!?
Yeah, so he's here now. I AM really, very relieved that he has all this information that he's entitled to. It was just so unfair for so long, i have leftover aggression. I'm glad that he's in contact with the mommy, but it's gonna make me uneasy for a little while, it just will. The typical female mentality dictates, of course, "she took him from me once, she can do it again", but of course, he wasn't mine when she got him. Being able to be objective is a curse. It's so much easier to be stupid. But, she has his child, for the love of fuck. Who am i to say, at ANY given point that she shouldn't have him? But, again, I have no proof that he wants her, i have no proof of danger, i have nothing that should make me nervous, only happy. Her boyfriend is good to her, her boyfriend is working 50 hours a week for her and the baby, she's happy and secure, the baby is healthy. Deep breath. All is well.
...but she said she missed him. That's good and all. She can miss him. She can't have him, but she can miss him. She's his babymommy. I'm under control.
I'm still angry at her. no matter what i try to feel, i'm going to be angry at her. She didn't even want the baby. She wanted to get Jonny "stuck" with the baby and run off with this other dude. Well, you see, that would've been fine. Dandy. That could have been a beautiful setup, but that didn't happen somehow. And now she says she's happy. And i'm happy she's happy and all, but what a bitch to be all conspiratory and slimy and GARRRrRrr...
I'm happy he was a caesarian.
I'm overreacting, and being dumb when i shoiuld be happy. I am happy. Jonny has a baby. A good baby. A healthy, good baby. A very handsome, good, healthy baby.
This really isn't about the baby, the spazzing... i mean, I'm ready to help him raise it if it ever comes to that. I'd love to, LOVE to, and i think i could. This is about Nikki. And that's dumb. Dumb, dumb, dumb.
On a completely different note, i started packing for the move today (a nervous jesture to take my mind off of him having spoken to Nikki). I'm really excited about getting the fuck out of Normal and out of this house once and for all. I want new stuff. I want new people and places and scenery. I want a new job, i want a completely new setup.
Emotional overload today. Very, very relieved today though. So many overdue things happened. Three cheers for deliverance.
Look at the baby (and new pics of Jonny and me)... you know you want to.
Jonny finally got word of his baby. It's a confusing situation, but, in a nutshell, he's married to someone who is with someone else far, far away who had his child on the 29th of June and up until today, he knew nothing about it.
He knew she was having his baby, but due to some fucked up... thingie, we'll say... he couldn't have anything to do with anything. This has been the source of much anger and emotional turmoil, not just for him (though i can only imagine), but for me too. Life is just not fair sometimes. It's not my situation, but i love Jonny so much, it feels so close. It feels like, because he's been so cheated, because he's had so much taken away, i just want to KILL. But ANYWAY, the baby is a boy, and his name is Isaiah, and he's beautiful (see for yourself, he's in my pics). 18 hours of labor ending in a caeserian. Good boy.
So, I don't really know much about much, but Jonny was on the messenger talking to mommy today for a while and it really was all i could do not to be peeking over his shoulder the entire time. First time he'd spoken to her in a couple months at least, and he said it was nice and amicable and good and all that... it's really hard not to hate her still. I mean, i really don't hate anyone, i just have a lot of hard feelings toward her. I know things happen and i know that lessons need to be learned, even when they're hard ones, but grr... Jonny and i had dated a really long time ago and broken up and just when i thought we coulda had another chance, she steps into the picture. And it really was like i had the carpet pulled out from under me. He seemed all primed and set up for me to scoot on back in there, but my back was turned for a minute and there they are, getting cozy. It really wouldn't have been so bad if he hadn't lived so far away and we'd been having sweet email convos and i was 90% sure that my visit up to him was going to result in... well, whatever. The time in between our last emails and me getting up there was fatal. She'd already stepped in. Then, whatever, she gets preggers, they get married, she gets a boyfriend, yadda, yadda... boom. So angry. So many things that didn't have to happen. Dear lord, who the hell's going to clean up all this spilled milk?!?
Yeah, so he's here now. I AM really, very relieved that he has all this information that he's entitled to. It was just so unfair for so long, i have leftover aggression. I'm glad that he's in contact with the mommy, but it's gonna make me uneasy for a little while, it just will. The typical female mentality dictates, of course, "she took him from me once, she can do it again", but of course, he wasn't mine when she got him. Being able to be objective is a curse. It's so much easier to be stupid. But, she has his child, for the love of fuck. Who am i to say, at ANY given point that she shouldn't have him? But, again, I have no proof that he wants her, i have no proof of danger, i have nothing that should make me nervous, only happy. Her boyfriend is good to her, her boyfriend is working 50 hours a week for her and the baby, she's happy and secure, the baby is healthy. Deep breath. All is well.
...but she said she missed him. That's good and all. She can miss him. She can't have him, but she can miss him. She's his babymommy. I'm under control.
I'm still angry at her. no matter what i try to feel, i'm going to be angry at her. She didn't even want the baby. She wanted to get Jonny "stuck" with the baby and run off with this other dude. Well, you see, that would've been fine. Dandy. That could have been a beautiful setup, but that didn't happen somehow. And now she says she's happy. And i'm happy she's happy and all, but what a bitch to be all conspiratory and slimy and GARRRrRrr...
I'm happy he was a caesarian.
I'm overreacting, and being dumb when i shoiuld be happy. I am happy. Jonny has a baby. A good baby. A healthy, good baby. A very handsome, good, healthy baby.
This really isn't about the baby, the spazzing... i mean, I'm ready to help him raise it if it ever comes to that. I'd love to, LOVE to, and i think i could. This is about Nikki. And that's dumb. Dumb, dumb, dumb.
On a completely different note, i started packing for the move today (a nervous jesture to take my mind off of him having spoken to Nikki). I'm really excited about getting the fuck out of Normal and out of this house once and for all. I want new stuff. I want new people and places and scenery. I want a new job, i want a completely new setup.
Emotional overload today. Very, very relieved today though. So many overdue things happened. Three cheers for deliverance.
Look at the baby (and new pics of Jonny and me)... you know you want to.
VIEW 3 of 3 COMMENTS
Wouldn't it be nice if every time you had to do the boss's job, you made his/her wage!?
If you mean the number of comments, hell I'm intimidated by it! I've never ever had six pages of comments before, and it terrifies me.
Your name's pretty good, too. As well as your profile pic.
[Edited on Aug 02, 2003]