yeahexactly

So my birthday was fuckin rough.

I'm glad its over and that I can move past it.

The whole day I was on the verge of tears.

But a week later I'm doing better?

The cold bites harsh on my exposed skin

Its bitter from months of being caged in the north.

The worst part is that I know its only the start of winter.

I do not want to spend a winter alone in this town.

I hope that this is my last winter in this town, but I will be happy with just being closer to leaving.

my hip feels hollow. I go see my doctor tomorrow.

I have no idea what hes going to tell me.

The pain is no longer just muscle. the bone hurts

I've considered what I think will be the worst possible outcome so in case its true I won't be taken by suprise .
I want to go to martial arts saturday and Im going no matter what.

I hate the thought of having to sit out the whole class, but atleast I'll have been there....

It will give the guise of normalcy i guess.

It'll also be nice to see my Sensi and class mates.

I'm still without prospects and that is slowly killing my selfesteem.

To make it worse my x talked to my sister and told her shes seeing someone

Its dumb but I'm really upset on many levels, and about things that I shouldn't give a shit about.

We're not getting back together.

I really hope shes happy, because with me she wasn't.

but it bugs me that she hasn't gotten her phone off of my bill yet.

so basically I'm paying to help her get some.

and that just makes my heart hurt.

thats the kind of shit that makes it harder to get out of bed in the morning

and I already have enough on my plate with out that.

she said shes going to take care of it, but its been more then 3 months and still nothing.

I've got a feeling I'm going to have to be a dick and cut the line

what sucks about that is that I'm still going to have to pay for it.

never again.

I hate learning things about life like this.