yeahexactly

i'm broken.
and my pills help but not enough.
I'm so sore from living let alone my work and classes.

I really just hate always having a list of things that hurt.

mild bitching begins below here.


so I'm losing my mind.
I HATE how relationships seem so much better from far away.
"longing makes the heart grow fonder" right?
it also helps cut down on the chop busting and bitching.

She has barely been back a week and a half and already were arguing again.
It disgusts me how easy it is to fall back into old habits.
also the fact that its easier to give random people the benefit of the doubt but your partner (me)
doesn't get that luxury.


the real bithcing begins below this line.

I could go on and on about bullshit and the hell that home is but what is the fucking point.
I don't post on myspace bc her parents read my blog
I dont post on face book bc her parents read my shit
I post here and i know she reads my shit
I cant talk to my friends bc my friends are also her friends.
there is no forth wall.
I have nowhere i can go except the company of strangers to get away and possably just breath on my own.

I just want to be 22 for once.
and not be judged for everything I have not done.
and even if i have done something,
why is it that other people can change but i can't?

If you miss me and want to be around me that do not make me want to strangle you when you are around.
I'm so upset that i feel sick.
stop holding things over my head that you have said your over!
its not like I cheated or that I killed someone!
I smoked pot when it was said that it was ok.
If it wasn't ok it should never have been said it was, not even under protest.
I've smoked maybe 20 times in my entire life!

I'm just so aggrivated.
fuck it I'm always wrong anyways, why should i try being right now.

and im done.