yap

Everyone I speak to is telling me I should leave him. I don't completely disagree....Neither of us seem to be having a good time anymore, which isn't fair to either of us. Relationships are supposed to be fun and not full of worry and doubt. We're 21 and 23. We're still babies and deserve to be happy. We can try to maintain a friendship, still hangout if we want and/or hookup if we so desire. But we don't have to be attached at the hip and can explore the world to see if there's anything better out there and to grow up. It's kinda crazy for people this young to be in such a committed relationship. We've already been together for 2 years, and the past year hasn't been that good. We don't get into typical fights or anything like that, it's just that I think both of us need and want too much. More so him, because I have had alot more experience with other guys, so I know it's not always about what you want. I understand that there's alot you're going to do that you may not really want to. Relationships are about respect, sacrifice, having fun, romance, and just being happy with each other. I feel like recently all I do is annoy him and we're both starting to get tired of each other's shit. If I want to do something that he honestly may not want to, he's not going to. At this point in his life, he's kind of selfish, and that really doesn't work in any relationship. Maybe I'm kind of like that too, I don't really know. It's hard to analyze yourself without a camera crew following your every move and word, and thought! Another way you can tell that you're not really happy anymore, is that whatever temptations that are tugging at your shirt really get in the way of how you feel. For a while now I've been thinking about the fact that I'm 21, and there are other guys out there and just other things in general that don't work with a bf. I'm VERY attracted to one of my friends, and just being around him gets heart pumpin.
My bf and I don't even see each other that much anymore. I'd say about twice a week max, and we used to see way too much of each other in the past. I think we're slowly falling out of love, which is terrifying. I really don't want to lose him, but I don't know if our relationship can be saved. We could just be too immature right now for such a deep, binding relationship. I wish I could just put us on pause and come back and start over in a few years when we've gotten all this out of our systems. I kinda wish he and I had met a few years from now, because then we'd both be more selfless and mature, etc, and I'd totally see marriage potential there. I did in the beginning before we got dog piled by each other's drama. I love who he is and his family and his friends...He's possibly the most amazing person I know, but we're becoming like oil and water.
It was so much easier to end things when the guy I was with was a total loser...haha
I've been fighting to keep our relationship alive, but I think I'm losing. My friend last night told me that at 21, you shouldn't have to fight like this. I half agree...Because what if I stay and we do break through this. He's amazing and is nearly the man of my dreams. But again, at age 21, do you really know who your dream guy is? And What if's never do any good.

I wish that we back off each other for a bit, take the pressure off and then come back to it in a while and see if it'll work for real. *shrug* I've never really heard of that happening...

Does anyone have any advice, or have I already said it all?





Thanks for reading my crap.