Lately here and out in the world I have noticed lots of people talking about depression, anxiety, fears and other mental (not really a good word to put here so I'm going to go with) problems. First off, as I am sure you know, you are not alone. Lots of people go through this on a daily basis and over the years I have seen it more and more and lots more prevalent. Just know that I amhere to talk if anyone needs. I see a lot of people here on SG say this and I always wonder if anyone is taking them up on their offers. Just know I am serious about my offer. Here's a little back story of me, my life, and my.....issues.
So I grew up convinced I was bipolar. Looking back in hindsight I am pretty sure now that I'm not but I thought that because my father and older brother both were and well, learned behavior I guess. Of I still may be or have been because I was the only member of my family that did self mutilation. I used to cut myself on a pretty regular basis. Even after cl9se to twenty years the scars are still very much evident, as you can see in the picture below.
I owe it to my wonderful wife who finally got me to stop because the few times I did it after we were together she got real mad and gave me a good ass chewing. In a totally loving way of course lol. If memory serves it was about fifteen years ago and my wife found me in the bath tub crying and cutting myself. Pretty vulnerable moment for me actually. Just a part of who I am now I suppose.
I first started cutting myself somewhere around fifteen or sixteen and it was incredibly difficult to hide from my parents, especially the few times I went so far as to cut my face. Never too deep luckily as I no longer have scars there. Go ahead and try explaining to your parents why you have cuts on your face. They were either very naive or in total denial. Still to this day not sure which one as we have never once spoken about it, even though I have plenty of scars on my arms and legs.
College was the worst for me though. Not exactly sure why but I was depressed the whole time I was there, about nine months in total. Thats when I started drinking...heavily. Pretty sure for my nine month stint at college I was basicaly an alcoholic. One reason why I quit drinking before I was even the legal age to do so. These days I just stick to a glass of wine every so often. One night, while wasted of course, I slashed myself pretty deep with a scalpel. Still not sure how I got a hold of a scalpel but damn those things are sharp. Did many more things that year I still regret to this day but we all have regrets in life I believe. Didnt even make it a year in college before I dropped out and eventually got a place with my brother.
Thus began my year of very heavy drug use. From the harmless weed to many many pills of ectasy, plenty of hits of acid, ketamine, meth, and even a little bit of coke. One of the most memorable years of my life for better or worse. I have many many strange stories from that period of my life if anyone ever cares to hear it.
I have since calmed down, got married, had a son, bought a house and now just hang out mostly at home. I dont go out much anymore and spend most of my time alone, bored out of my mind. Trying to find some hobbies to keep me busy since I have been sober for a few months now, other then the occasional drink. Now I focus on being healthy. Exercising and cooking mostly. I am also going to start brewing my own kombucha since I drink a ton of the stuff. Heres me enjoying some yesterday after a shower.
Anyway thats a little bit about me. I do enjoy talking to people and have been told I am a great listener as I do love hearing other people's stories. For that matter I love reading blogs so if you have some good ones or know of someone who writes them let me know. I am interested in pretty much everything. Well thats allfor now and hope to hear from you all.
Take care now
Yaoth
