xxxholic

I got weighed at clinic today. 188. Three months ago I was 155. Sigh. At least I am going to be put on anti diabetic drugs which should hopefully fix the weight issue.

What is going on? Why do I suddenly want to give up and be a shut in. Why??

Why does everything I say and do have to backfire so badly. I don't even want to breathe anymore because my breath might offend someone.

I want to talk about my marriage and I just can't do it right now.

I can't go back to square one. I just can't. I have been working so hard. I thought I was getting better. But I think I am losing it again. And this time I can't blame my husband if I am getting sick again.

I think I am going to start running or at least walking. Or crawling.

I would sell my soul for just ONE day where I don't know what anxiety is.

I wish I could trust someone. Really, really trust someone. I far as I am concerned, everyone is out to get me.

I really wish I knew what was happening. Am I having a slow breakdown?

If I could just hold on for a few days. Just a few more days.

I am going to try to give it one more year. After that I'll just become a shut in.

I swear, my life was so much easier when I was suffering from aphasia. Much easier. Maybe I'll have another mini stroke...... then I won't be able to annoying anymore since I won't be able to talk or type or write. Honestly if I had another stroke and became a vegetable, wouldn't mind because I wouldn't be able to interact with people and I will finally be at peace.

See you when I see you. Sorry that it didn't work out. I should have known that I would wear out my welcome sooner or later. Everything I do goes to shit.