Login
Forgot Password?

OR

Login with Google Login with Twitter Login with Facebook
  • Join
  • Profiles
  • Groups
  • SuicideGirls
  • Photos
  • Videos
  • Shop
Vital Stats

xxxholic

In My head

Member Since 2010

Followers 173 Following 269

  • Everything
  • Photos
  • Video
  • Blogs
  • Groups
  • From Others

Monday Apr 16, 2012

Apr 16, 2012
0
  • Facebook
  • Tweet
  • Email
I got weighed at clinic today. 188. Three months ago I was 155. Sigh. At least I am going to be put on anti diabetic drugs which should hopefully fix the weight issue.

What is going on? Why do I suddenly want to give up and be a shut in. Why??

Why does everything I say and do have to backfire so badly. I don't even want to breathe anymore because my breath might offend someone.

I want to talk about my marriage and I just can't do it right now.

I can't go back to square one. I just can't. I have been working so hard. I thought I was getting better. But I think I am losing it again. And this time I can't blame my husband if I am getting sick again.

I think I am going to start running or at least walking. Or crawling.

I would sell my soul for just ONE day where I don't know what anxiety is.

I wish I could trust someone. Really, really trust someone. I far as I am concerned, everyone is out to get me.

I really wish I knew what was happening. Am I having a slow breakdown?

If I could just hold on for a few days. Just a few more days.

I am going to try to give it one more year. After that I'll just become a shut in.

I swear, my life was so much easier when I was suffering from aphasia. Much easier. Maybe I'll have another mini stroke...... then I won't be able to annoying anymore since I won't be able to talk or type or write. Honestly if I had another stroke and became a vegetable, wouldn't mind because I wouldn't be able to interact with people and I will finally be at peace.

See you when I see you. Sorry that it didn't work out. I should have known that I would wear out my welcome sooner or later. Everything I do goes to shit.
VIEW 5 of 5 COMMENTS
ninadelamorte:
I'm sorry to hear you are having such a bad time lately. Sometimes life just makes things so hard.

Walking is a great way to help you both physically and spiritually. I find it lets me clear my head and just breathe for a while.

Hope you find some piece of mind soon.
Apr 19, 2012
misterclean:
atomic

and I hope things get better for you soon
May 2, 2012

More Blogs

  • 04.28.15
    0

    Get over it? I am working on it.

    I know I don't really blog. I guess it's because it taking me longe…
  • 03.13.15
    4

    Is it just me, or has Sesame Street seriously gone downhill? It's awf…

  • 03.09.15
    3

    re-dying my hair again. The bleach didn't get through all the old col…

  • 03.08.15
    2

    Fun time at the dog park... and other crap

    The ONE time I don't bring my camera, the dog park was actually PAC…
  • 02.02.15
    0

    I'm still alive. Still Adulting. I'll be 33 in 10 days

  • 12.23.14
    0

    I forgot to mention about a month ago that Dragon Age Inquisition is …

  • 08.22.14
    0

    Explore.org

    Seriously. I know a lot of you will enjoy this website. Amazing liv…
  • 08.09.14
    0

    Hey guys.

    I'm still alive. I can't believe how much things have changed since…
  • 04.27.14
    1

    I'm free!!!!

    I quit my job and I am happy. I just couldn't take the abuse anym…
  • 04.20.14
    1

    Life goes on.

    I still work at McDonalds. It's a surprise to everyone who knows me…

We at SuicideGirls have been celebrating alternative pin-up girls for:

24
years
0
months
1
day
  • 5,509,826 fans
  • 41,393 fans
  • 10,327,617 followers
  • 4,610 SuicideGirls
  • 1,112,987 followers
  • 14,970,898 photos
  • 321,315 followers
  • 61,514,849 comments
  • Join
  • Profiles
  • Groups
  • Photos
  • Videos
  • Shop
  • Help
  • About
  • Press
  • LIVE

Legal/Tos | DMCA | Privacy Policy | 18 U.S.C. 2257 Record-Keeping Requirements Compliance Statement | Contact Us | Vendo Payment Support
©SuicideGirls 2001-2025

Press enter to search
Fast Hi-res

Click here to join & see it all...

Crop your photo