i'm on the verge of completely and utterly breaking down completely. every day just feels horrid. i wake up always in a bad mood, and unless something amazing changes then i end up feeling like shit all day. i can't control my anger, i hate my anger so much. i hate who i am. i hate everything about me.
i'll never find someone that will love me because i can't even get over her. i don't want to. i won't. it's just not who i am. it's not who i've ever been. and who will want me when i can't stop loving someone else? who will love me when i hate myself. i'll never feel the same way i feel for her again. i'll never stop feeling the way i do for her. i don't want to live if living is without her. she's worth the pain to me and that's an awful way to feel about someone.
i really really hate being so very one dimensional. all i think about is one thing. i'm not interesting at all. i don't have like any interests, nothing to talk about really, i'm apparently completely self absorbed.
all the while all i can think is i miss her so much. it's been about a year and i still want her back in my life. anyone else i would be glad to get completely and utterly out of my life. anyone else to cause me anything like this pain and i'd be rid of them.
i'm so completely fucked up now. ever since i lost my chance with her. now i'm so fucked up everything has gone crazy. all i can think every day is that i want to die. i'm not at all noticed enough. i really really wish it would all end already. i don't want to live another year never mind possibly another 30-60 even. i've always known i'd die alone. i will. i know my future cause i'm making it. i've always made it. i'll always be alone.
i've lost my faith, i've lost my hope, i've lost my love, i've lost my only happiness i've ever had. i really wish i'd lose my life. and that's why i know there is no god. because if there was he'd be kind and have taken me from my misery already. i hate this world so much. i hate people so much. i hate everything.
i'll never find someone that will love me because i can't even get over her. i don't want to. i won't. it's just not who i am. it's not who i've ever been. and who will want me when i can't stop loving someone else? who will love me when i hate myself. i'll never feel the same way i feel for her again. i'll never stop feeling the way i do for her. i don't want to live if living is without her. she's worth the pain to me and that's an awful way to feel about someone.
i really really hate being so very one dimensional. all i think about is one thing. i'm not interesting at all. i don't have like any interests, nothing to talk about really, i'm apparently completely self absorbed.
all the while all i can think is i miss her so much. it's been about a year and i still want her back in my life. anyone else i would be glad to get completely and utterly out of my life. anyone else to cause me anything like this pain and i'd be rid of them.
i'm so completely fucked up now. ever since i lost my chance with her. now i'm so fucked up everything has gone crazy. all i can think every day is that i want to die. i'm not at all noticed enough. i really really wish it would all end already. i don't want to live another year never mind possibly another 30-60 even. i've always known i'd die alone. i will. i know my future cause i'm making it. i've always made it. i'll always be alone.
i've lost my faith, i've lost my hope, i've lost my love, i've lost my only happiness i've ever had. i really wish i'd lose my life. and that's why i know there is no god. because if there was he'd be kind and have taken me from my misery already. i hate this world so much. i hate people so much. i hate everything.
:hugs: