xxtmnt87xx

So i feel the need to write a blog. it's not gonna be unhappy from my point of view but yeah.

First off i gotta say I miss Beaky. he's good people and it sucks that he doesn't have the interenet right now. so everyone really needs to comment to him about how much they miss him cause sometimes he can get on so yeah tell him.

Secondly, my mind never stops. i still think about the girl everyday. i know i need to stop but i can't controll it. it's like when someone makes you think of someone naked you totally don't wanna think about naked, and when you try to stop it just makes you think about it more. i still love her i will always love her and i dunno. something inside of me tells me she still loves me but that could just be me hoping. She gave me the chance to be her friend but i would have given my word not to ask about her feelings for me past present or future, and i wouldn't be allowed to get jealous if she mentioned her boyfriend. i told her the truth and gave up my chance instead of lying and having what i really wanted.

so yeah i really need to get myself into working out. i need to get myself into great shape in a year. i want my body to be perfect :-), well as perfect as it can be, or as perfect as i invision. i think if i work at it in a years time i can have a decent muslce gain and hopefully a great fat loss. i want to get back to not having a gut at all.

I watched the movie Dark city last night again. i really like it. a lot of it reminds me of the matrix. like there's so many similarities in my mind that it's funny. but all in all dark city is just a really great movie. i recommend it. highly. Also watched the movie trainspotting again. haven't seen that one in forever. stars ewan mcgreggor. it's a story about a heroin addict and his heroin addict friends, living in scottland. one of those misadventure stories. i dunno just a real good movie in my mind. also recommend it.

i posted my number in the "post your phone number" thread. haven't gotten any voicemails or texts or anything. wasn't really expecting any all that much. but if any of you want to call to hear my voice or anything just find it in the thread :-) or ask me for it or something and maybe i'll be nice.

also i decided to buy the lovely miss aijin a webcam, because sometimes in between the mixture of sexual frustration, depression, and severe anger(which i assume has a lot to do with sexual frustration) i have a nice side. it's the person i want to be, and it's who i hope i can make myself be completely. he's around a lot less lately, so i had to let him out and i bought her the webcam.

also Avalonchase has made me think about joining the pen pal group. i dunno how good i'd be at writing letters to someone but i dunno it might be good to have someone to write to. might be fun.

god i need to give some oral.