xxtmnt87xx

i've lost all hope, i've lost my faith, happiness has never been anything close to permanent in my life. i don't know that i have much more to lose, honestly there's only one thing i can think of that i have to lose, and honestly i would love to lose it. i just don't see myself getting better. i've gotten myself into a blackhole the farther i fall the stronger the pull is. i don't even know anymore. i can't show the person i can be because my heart won't be quiet, and i can't be ok with my loss. it's been so god damn many months and it still hurts just as bad if not worse. i keep thinking about doing horrible things to myself. i don't like anything about myself. i just don't want to be here anymore. and to top it off i feel worse because i keep dumping all my problems on anyone that will listen. and i hate it. and sometimes i think some people only care about me because they're worried i'll do something stupid.

there is nothing special about me, there's nothing to attract someone to me to love me. i just bleh.