xxtmnt87xx

So there once was this girl that told me she loved me. i told her i loved her too. now she was the first girl that i ever loved, and that loved me. and my world was above the clouds, nothing could make me happier. so one day, she plans on going out with her friends and then when she gets home to talk to me she acts all funny, and i notice and make mention, and she says she needs to go and signs off, and then she texts me saying her friends set her up on a date, and that she felt horrible about it, and i felt even worse over it feeling like i was going to lose the girl forever, and we talked and worked things out. the next day she tells me that if the guy wants a relationship she'll tell him no that she's not ready for one and that she won't be ready for one until she can be with me. so i feel much better, and so within the next few weeks things are good and she's so excited about making me my special birthday present and me getting it and such. so i get my presents and i was ecstatic. happier than ever... what werre the presents you ask well here's what they were:

a picture she drew with all the things that reminded her of me,
a wallet size picture of her,
a gift card to best buy,
a pair of underwear she wore during masturbation,
a sharpie she masturbated with,
and a CD of songs that reminded her of me...
the songs on that CD and what they meant are as follows:

goldfinger - 99 red balloons: first song that i introduced her to that band with, also the band that made her become vegetarian
call in sick today - mxpx: i would always tell her to call in sick to stay and talk to me
i wish you were here - pink floydd: exactly what it says
just like heaven - goldfinger: lyrics
too sexy - right said fred: she called me sexy all the time
so happy together - simple plan: lyrics again
quite your life - mxpx: lyrics again
feel like making love - goldfinger: i'm a horny bastard and so thus we talked about sex a lot
cigaro - system of a down: lyrics(" my cock is bigger than yours")
i can't make it on my own - hawthorne heights: lyrics/ she lived in ohio/ she had a sn on msn that said i can't make it on my own because my heart is in massachusettes
everything sucks when you're gone - mxpx: that's how we felt
echo - trapt: lyrics
closer - Nine inch Nails: horny perv me again
stalker - goldfinger: i used to sing her these lyrics via text while i was driving home from classes

now i thought OMG OMG OMG OMG She's my soulmate and she'll always love me and we'll live our lives together. so the closer it gets to my birthday the less and less i hear from her, and i notice, a hell of a lot and i get all questiony and scared and depressed and she insists there's nothing wrong really for the most part. and then about on my birthday it all just came to a climax really, just got really depressed and such, and within the next two weeks i texted her way too much and whatever. so we ended up getting to the point where i was asking her if she didn't love me anymore and she told me she didn't and i told her i hated her way too many times, and then we talked things out and were ok until she left in a way that felt crappy, so i got upset and acted a little bitchy with her leaving, and she asked why i had a fuck you attitude and i told her i felt like she stabbed me in the back seeing as she knew my past with girls and she acted just like the rest, and she got pissed and over the next 3-4 days i apologized forever. and then i started asking if she wanted me to leave her alone forever and eventually she finally said "yes unless you're gonna do something stupid, then no" well obviously i did something stupid with that answer, i sent the stuff she sent me for her birthday back. now that might not seem bad but her father has hit her, and is very angry and there was a good chance she would have gotten hit from that, and i knew it but at that point i wasn't thinking, but i warned her cause i didn't want her hurt. so like 3 months went buy with me begging for her to forgive me and such, and then i slowly stopped trying, until a night i got drunk started thinking about people that have left me, and tried to get her to just let me know she was alive. i was crying about the death of my grandfather and she decides to tell me she has a boyfriend now. well that just killed me, and i destroyed my laptop monitor, and i ended up posting her nudes online, which i later took off(like a few hours later) and i again apologized and pleaded and such. so fast forward to tonight. minds been racing for a while through the whole time since my birthday. and today i ask her how she met the guy she's dating, she told me through work... then i ask her if it was the guy from the date from way back that she said she wouldn't date cause she wanted to be with me... she says yes. so yeah. i feel completely and utterly broken and worthless and played. i really just want to crawl in a hole and die. because honestly i'm too retarded, i'm still not even mad at her, just hurt, and i still want her friendship... even though she fucked with my heart.