xxtmnt87xx

bleh so here's a little info into my life not that anyone cares. I've never had a girlfriend, not even one of those like 3 day as a kid things. i've never had real good friends who were girls, i'm very shy when it comes to girls. i don't know what to talk about with people in general nevermind to girls. all i've wanted since i've been old enough to be interested in girls, was to be in love, and for the longest time i never got to be in love. now, not too long ago i ended up falling in love with this girl i knew online, and i made sure she was the person she said she was before that. and she was the first person to ever really make me happy. that went on for i don't know how long maybe a year. then i turned 21, and everything went wrong. she started talking to me less which made me sad, and i said stupid things. and through out march things got worse and worse, when all i wanted to do was talk to her. finally like 2-3 nights ago i asked her if she wanted me to leave her alone forever, and she told me that as of right now yes, unless i'm gonna blow up, then no she didn't. to be honest, i don't have a heart anymore. i gave it to that girl. and she threw it in the trash. she told me she loved me. she made me feel special. and she threw me away like i never meant anything. i can't get her out of my head because i still want to meet her. i still want to be with her. but i know that she probably hates me. now i don't even want to ever date or anything. i can't see myself ever being as happy as she made me. i don't want to be that happy again. everytime i become happy, something drops me down to being sader than i was before. pain is all i know. i'm not meant for happiness.