xxtinkerbellxx

So, now that I'm finished with my last big project, I have the time to go back to the mental amusements I pursued before school got really hectic. I came across someone recently who described themselves as 'charming' and no, this is not an internet dating story. Anyway, I ended up observing this person offending a number of people in the group and I realized something that I read about once and then promptly forgot: self-perception is often a big lie that prevents us from connecting with people. I've been reading a lot of material regarding Buddhist philosophy- nothing too in-depth but nothing too 'fluffy' either- and the only concept I've grasped so far is the idea of questioning, that one must always doubt 'truth,' 'reality,' or any other concept that one could cling to in the guise of understanding but only ends in delusion. Because, nothing is certain. Questioning one's self perception is so key and I consider myself very fortunate to have seen the Charmer just bomb so terribly and walk away still thinking he was the Charmer Extraordinaire.

This also ties in with some of the 'emotional intelligence' material I've been reading. One book contains a rather painful exercise where you list adjectives that you think describe your personality and it tells you how others might possibly perceive you. For example, if you describe yourself as 'easy-going,' someone might perceive you as 'unambitious.' The point isn't to make you paranoid but rather to give you the freedom not to be locked into your own perceptions of yourself. It is as freeing as it is scary and neurosis-making. It goes hand-in-hand with the Buddhist concept of doubt and paradox.

I can't tell you how infuriated reading Buddhist philosophy makes me! They're all smarmy assholes with no answers...but it makes so much sense...but then it doesn't...and then...crap....