xxtinkerbellxx

Sometimes, the worst thing you can do is educate yourself.

I used to have a personal belief that love and feelings guided behavior. I hoped for the day to find someone I 'loved' and I would know by how I felt about them. Somehow, my heart would guide me through the rough patches and as long as I remembered all the things that I loved about them, everything would be fine. That was before I educated myself.

I have since read so much material about the biological process of 'love' and 'emotions' that make me realize that not only is it a simple physical reaction motivated by lust, it fades very quickly. There are identifiable triggers, namely, youth, beauty and resources, that start that chemical reaction that is essentially unsustainable for any considerable length of time. I also read so much about evolution and how we have developed as a species, in particular, how those evolutionary tendencies are expressed through our relationship and courtship behaviors.

So, whereas before I was ignorant, I am now educated. Before, I had convictions and direction, now, I simply shrug my shoulders and realize that my expiration date draws ever nearer. Before, I actually entertained an idea of a family. Now, I couldn't imagine signing up for guaranteed spousal apathy, the rages of parenting young children and the over-arching disappointment that sets in when you realize that, not only are your worthless kids nothing like you (as I am with my own parents), but your spouse resents you and is probably cheating on you. I know first hand because he's probably cheated on you with me. And both of us lock ourselves in the bathroom and hate our lives in exactly the same way.