xxtinkerbellxx

Generally, I have a self-determinist philosophy about the world. I believe, for example, that I am largely responsible for how I feel at any given moment. Taking responsibility for my emotions is both freeing and depressing because it pretty much forces me to stop 'deciding' to feel badly (and there is a certain amount of decision involved in emotion because it is a reaction just like any other) but it also means that certain things in my life are my fault entirely. For example, I was very passionate when I was a teenager. I fell in love so strongly, brazen in my passion. I felt such strong connections with people, regardless of who they were or how we met. Today, I feel very little in the way of true, abiding connection with anyone. I'm not talking solely about love. Just basic connections with other human beings have been hard for me to establish for a while now. Is this what 'growing up' is- the world grows dim and uninteresting?

Excuse my excessively mawkish blog but, dammit, I need some love!