xxmonsterxx

if the outside matched the inner:


i'm tired of failing. i'm tired of whining. i'm tired of every shot to my ego cutting deeper and deeper. of feeling insecure. i know no one fucking cares about my issues. "aw here's another whiny blog". and i don't care. its a big circle of apathy. and that's ok with me. but once, just once i'd like to get my way.

i want life to stop getting me down. never taking any breaks on me. i work two jobs, virtually never sleep, never have time for her. she's funny and smart in ways i don't understand. she thinks i'm a dork and likes it. she has an innate empathy for all creatures and a desire to care for them. she doesn't need me but knows i need to feel she does. understands i'm doing my best and working to make things better for both of us. accepts me as i am. believes me when i say she looks beautiful in the morning. and she doesn't exist. but that's ok, too because i have the rest of my life for her to torment me.

i think i'm undiagnosed bi-polar. or maybe i'm finally letting all the bad shit take me down with it.

i really want to destroy something.