hello monday!
What a day to start the week. Christmas right around the corner and everyone's festive about it. Its really nice actually. all the holiday festivities have done alot to take away my mind from sinking into its thoughts about my love life. =/
Work has kept me busy as well. I still talk to justin every now and then.. but he decided to move back to New Hampshire and things really haven't been the same. I guess the night after Saosin kinda changed things between us. Going out that night with him kinda changed things for me too though. Even though I wasn't with my "x" it felt even better to be with someone connected with me on a different level. The show was great i heard some pretty awesome bands i had never listened to before and the whole time justin was right by my side. Having that just made me realize how easily it was for just one person to sway my mood around and make me feel on top of the world. Its sad that he left but that doesn't mean that we won't ever cross paths again or that something bigger could come out from the future. But hey, life is crazy. I've learned that this past year. You could believe you have everything planned out at a certain point in your life and then "BAM" with a blink of an eye you've started out at square one again. It's a scary thing to imagine but it's inevitable. Change will always occur, and what I'm learning so far at the young age of 20 is that change can only be as bad as you want to make it. Change is meant to see things differently. Change is meant to be embraced, and all the glory, pain, anguish and strength you get for it makes you into your ultimate person. I personally hated change. I thought that at the age of 19 I knew it all and I had it all planned out; School, love, life, a career and a future. But little did I know that in just one short year my whole world would flip upside down and crash into pieces and I wouldn't know where to start picking it all up. So I didn't. I turned around and tried to find another path on my way. When I realized what I was doing, it reminded me of the time I would take walks on the battlefields of Manassas The trails would curve, turn, and loop. I can still remember the way the smell of the leaves hit me as I would walk through the tall grass while searching for the next historical site. The birds could be heard singing in the distance and the soft breeze would make the trees look as though they would moving together in such a beautiful swaying movement. It was a completely serene picture in my head. It was a place I imagined often during my hardest times. And quite honestly I've been repeating my visit to my mental heavenly abode very often now. But in remembering the trails that I took I noticed that every single one I took went someplace different. None of them would cross or lead to the same place. And in its own way, it showed me to compare it to life. My life was as journey, and my destination was unknown. I guess not knowing where my journey would take me is what scared me the most. And the change was part of that unknown. But even with not knowing what my life can bring me, I know that I'll keep walking my trail.
to be continued.....
What a day to start the week. Christmas right around the corner and everyone's festive about it. Its really nice actually. all the holiday festivities have done alot to take away my mind from sinking into its thoughts about my love life. =/
Work has kept me busy as well. I still talk to justin every now and then.. but he decided to move back to New Hampshire and things really haven't been the same. I guess the night after Saosin kinda changed things between us. Going out that night with him kinda changed things for me too though. Even though I wasn't with my "x" it felt even better to be with someone connected with me on a different level. The show was great i heard some pretty awesome bands i had never listened to before and the whole time justin was right by my side. Having that just made me realize how easily it was for just one person to sway my mood around and make me feel on top of the world. Its sad that he left but that doesn't mean that we won't ever cross paths again or that something bigger could come out from the future. But hey, life is crazy. I've learned that this past year. You could believe you have everything planned out at a certain point in your life and then "BAM" with a blink of an eye you've started out at square one again. It's a scary thing to imagine but it's inevitable. Change will always occur, and what I'm learning so far at the young age of 20 is that change can only be as bad as you want to make it. Change is meant to see things differently. Change is meant to be embraced, and all the glory, pain, anguish and strength you get for it makes you into your ultimate person. I personally hated change. I thought that at the age of 19 I knew it all and I had it all planned out; School, love, life, a career and a future. But little did I know that in just one short year my whole world would flip upside down and crash into pieces and I wouldn't know where to start picking it all up. So I didn't. I turned around and tried to find another path on my way. When I realized what I was doing, it reminded me of the time I would take walks on the battlefields of Manassas The trails would curve, turn, and loop. I can still remember the way the smell of the leaves hit me as I would walk through the tall grass while searching for the next historical site. The birds could be heard singing in the distance and the soft breeze would make the trees look as though they would moving together in such a beautiful swaying movement. It was a completely serene picture in my head. It was a place I imagined often during my hardest times. And quite honestly I've been repeating my visit to my mental heavenly abode very often now. But in remembering the trails that I took I noticed that every single one I took went someplace different. None of them would cross or lead to the same place. And in its own way, it showed me to compare it to life. My life was as journey, and my destination was unknown. I guess not knowing where my journey would take me is what scared me the most. And the change was part of that unknown. But even with not knowing what my life can bring me, I know that I'll keep walking my trail.
to be continued.....
I agree with that, changes are what you make them, i think they are always good.
Everything happens for a reason.
I hope everything is going well for you right now and that you brought in the new year with a bang.