xxjcblackheartxx

Writing my thoughts have helped me with days like today. Maybe when i look back on them i won't repeat my previous mistakes time and time again. I for all that I have done positive to get my mind off of her am still in so much pain. Today work has been dragging by, I try hard to reach out to people in hopes that friends will help me pass the time but time and time again I feel stuck in this feeling.

I am trying to hard to just concentrate on me and not her with him...not her with anyone else who makes her much happier than I did. I've gone days without crying but it wells up minute by minute. I wish the had the resources to leave this town for but a time so every minute detail of our time together would'nt play like a record in my mind over and over and over again....

My nightmares will not stop...I work out and go to work....I work out again ...I go to church....I sit and write my feeling ...my mental pen seems endless supplied with Ink.....but still at this time I feel the loneliest i have ever felt....I thought on so many days that we were truly meant to be....for all the of the things we had in common all of our just magnetic attraction that was so much different those in the past...i will admit i have been subject to jumping into things but this was so much different..everything we did and i mean everything to just watching television to making love...to listening to music together was so dynamic so fun so fulfilling.

I had so much hope and so many aspirations for our future now i feel so alone....I know that my heart will heal i know that life goes on ...I know that my pain may be trivial and minimal to some I know that there are worse things in the world...but right now not even one month removed from her departure ..I hurt so bad...I feel like i am a droplet in an endless ocean of agony. My moments of clarity and facade of happiness are few and far between, I try and look for beauty in life and i know that it exist but it seems so minuscule without her next to me

I thank god i've been able to at least give myself to positive healing processes instead of drinking sleeping around and mud slinging ...I guess it was a blessing and a curse that she used so little to dis-communicate me ....I love her so much and i know at this very moment I don't cross her mind in the slightest...I want this pain to stop so bad....I just wish i could not feel this...but i know there is a lesson in this pain .....I just pray i can receive the full positive effect from this feeling of emotional suffocation