xxjcblackheartxx

Fuck what is happening with me.....i keep feeling this crushing depression....it hurts to move almost....it's hard to pay attention at work....i talked to Carina last night and i felt better for a while i have known her for a very long time and she usual can read me but .....this morning i was right back to were i was....i am just scared in a sense....it seems like night is the most painful time for me lately......i have'nt felt like i was decaying inside in a long time....i am trying to keep my mind off of beind depressed but i can't seem to find joy in anything .....it's like my life was in colour and now all of sudden it's been bleached....i just wish i knew what to do....

hopefully after i work out this afternoon i'll be alright for another night....but right now i just feel like crying....
i've never seen anything beautiful in my life but at least i could look at it without turning away....now i just feel disgusted at myself and everything.....

i just want this to stop