xxjcblackheartxx

i Hate myself for hating myself...in my emotional turmoil i seemed to have alleniated even my wife...i hate myself for not being strong enough for her nor to support myself....i wish my life would sometime just end....when i can't protect the ones i love what good am i to the world...i feel like am being dismemebered from the inside ....i can't stand this anymore..my heart is decaying my eyes see nothing but black...i just wish this would end for good...i think that ultimately in any capacity she would be better off without me.....i pray and pray for solace and nothing comes my way.....i wish it was just over now.....she needs me yet i can't help her in any way shape or form.......perhaps i can master being emotional devoid in this life....i shall put this to the test.....

this way maybe i'll stop wanting to end myself.......
this person who destroyed my happiness will be destroyed in the worst way possible....i swear it before i leave this planet this scum will be destroyed....
if only she could understand how she makes me feel the fact that i DO love her ....i can't always explain it or express it the way she does...

i wish my.....exsistence would be exstinguished right now....