xxjcblackheartxx

17 days until i go home....jeez i am excited...i really hope not to get blown up in between this time
i am so ready to leave this place......
It seems like the moon is right next to me right now it's so large i feel like i can touch it.....i zone out sometimes i forget that i am here....i need to make a decision if am going to leave all this military shit behind....there are things that i like but....i have sacrificed some much of what i used to call myself to become another random soldier another uniform......Carina told me the other day that i haven't changed that much since i have joined the military ..... i have known her for awhile so i trust her judgment....still i feel like maybe i am trying to force myself to grow up.....to abandon the person i used to be....
can you be yourself in society and still have your dreams come to fruition....i still don't know

in other news my diet is going very well...i really hate my body even though a lot of people tell me i am in great shape....i can never see any positive side to myself.....my wife even fails at instilling any form of confidence in me.....hmmmm

anyway


I need to try and sleep.....but i know i can't....i promised certain people I would try and not use sleep aids to fall asleep....we shall see if i can drift off this night.....