Happy Thanksgiving? It didn't feel much like Thanksgiving this year - just a normal day with a few additional relatives I don't see as often. I'm not complaining - I've started to float through each day with hardly any focus at all, which I consider a good thing knowing the circumstances of what I've been feeling lately. I am not upset anymore, but I am not happy. I suppose I have reached the numbness I have predicted - or maybe I have finally accepted what I should have been doing all along, which in essence was being occupied with other things and moving along through each day. Moving on.
I question so many of the things I think, feel, and do. Maybe I shouldn't think so hard about everything - but I can't help it.
I am running out of time. I am disappointed with other people's decisions and actions including my own.
I'm such a fucking procrastinator. I am scared. I'm scared that I'll fuck up and I won't get to where I've been looking forward to being for so long. Where I've been dreaming of going. I know I need to force myself to get on the ball and get shit done but it's so hard. There is so much that needs to be done and I feel tired and blocked. All I have to do is lift one finger and the rest will be easy, but I feel like the bone is split - sticking through the skin. I wish I could defeat my own self and do what needs to be done and stop worrying about it. And yet - I am such a fucking procrastinator.
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I just finished reading "Diary" by none other than Chuck Palahniuk. Good book, of course. I've liked some of his other's better, but I enjoyed this one in particular because of the subject matter. Who knows what's next... maybe "Lullaby", and then the fiction portion of his writing will have been complete. All I'll have left to read are his non-fiction writings.
My body is sore all over it seems, and I'm not entirely sure why, but I have my suspicions that it is from falling asleep in the recliner the other night.
Anyway - last thought - for all you Dane Cook fans, he'll be hosting SNL on December 3rd, so plan to watch it. I know I will, I'm a bamf like that.
Later, bitches.
I question so many of the things I think, feel, and do. Maybe I shouldn't think so hard about everything - but I can't help it.
I am running out of time. I am disappointed with other people's decisions and actions including my own.
I'm such a fucking procrastinator. I am scared. I'm scared that I'll fuck up and I won't get to where I've been looking forward to being for so long. Where I've been dreaming of going. I know I need to force myself to get on the ball and get shit done but it's so hard. There is so much that needs to be done and I feel tired and blocked. All I have to do is lift one finger and the rest will be easy, but I feel like the bone is split - sticking through the skin. I wish I could defeat my own self and do what needs to be done and stop worrying about it. And yet - I am such a fucking procrastinator.
***********************************
I just finished reading "Diary" by none other than Chuck Palahniuk. Good book, of course. I've liked some of his other's better, but I enjoyed this one in particular because of the subject matter. Who knows what's next... maybe "Lullaby", and then the fiction portion of his writing will have been complete. All I'll have left to read are his non-fiction writings.
My body is sore all over it seems, and I'm not entirely sure why, but I have my suspicions that it is from falling asleep in the recliner the other night.
Anyway - last thought - for all you Dane Cook fans, he'll be hosting SNL on December 3rd, so plan to watch it. I know I will, I'm a bamf like that.
Later, bitches.