Okay, Here's the deal with my quarter-life crisis...
I have always been a certain kind of person. A SPONGE. I didn't have any real personality of my own. I just did what everyone else did, believed how everyone else believed and acted how my friends acted. It's all part of having Borderline Personality Disorder. Most people with the disorder are clingy and get bored with their friends after a matter of weeks. I on the other hand don't make many friends, but the ones I get close enough to call friends are there to stay, sometimes for life (I still talk to my first friend, Valerie, from Kindergarten). I may not have many friends, but the friends I have are quality. Usually, they'd do anything for me, and vice-versa. I call them my "Blessed Few".
Another symptom of BPD is that your own personality is chaotic. Usually you're impulsive, say everything you think, are often inappropriate, and people know you to be flaky. If you run into a person with BPD on Tuesday, they are most likely not the same person you run into on Friday. Often they'll change haircolors regularly, change their clothes like their moods, and they are hell to fight with. I mention all of this because my everyday life is extremely affected by my disorder. I have had very few things that I could really hold onto in my life, and here's the list:
Writing (poetry, music, vampire novellas)
Art (especially artistic nudes and tattoo art)
Role-playing
Working out (Weight lifting especially)
Goth (really, Neo Club-Kid)
Anim
Comic-books
Sci-fi
Horror (especially vampires)
and the occult.
Today, here's the list of things I actually have done in the last few months and enjoyed it...
Sketching (okay, I don't always enjoy it)
Watching movies (esp. Sci-Fi)
Looked at SG (which is usually for socializing rather than the nudity)
I have come to the painful realization that I don't enjoy much of anything in my life. The few sacred things I held onto my whole life are dwindling, perhaps nonexistent. I can't use my imagination anymore. Not at all. I can't talk to my imaginary friends. I can't role-play. I hate video-games, except maybe Tetris and cross-words. I feel like I don't know who I am anymore. I had little enough of a personality WITH all of those things. I even tried figuring out what it is that I enjoy now. Can't find a gorram thing. Not anything that I CAN do at the moment anyways.
I'm dying my hair later in the week. I'm hoping that will help me feel better, get me out of my slump. But I guess I'm realizing painfully, that people change... even me.
I have always been a certain kind of person. A SPONGE. I didn't have any real personality of my own. I just did what everyone else did, believed how everyone else believed and acted how my friends acted. It's all part of having Borderline Personality Disorder. Most people with the disorder are clingy and get bored with their friends after a matter of weeks. I on the other hand don't make many friends, but the ones I get close enough to call friends are there to stay, sometimes for life (I still talk to my first friend, Valerie, from Kindergarten). I may not have many friends, but the friends I have are quality. Usually, they'd do anything for me, and vice-versa. I call them my "Blessed Few".
Another symptom of BPD is that your own personality is chaotic. Usually you're impulsive, say everything you think, are often inappropriate, and people know you to be flaky. If you run into a person with BPD on Tuesday, they are most likely not the same person you run into on Friday. Often they'll change haircolors regularly, change their clothes like their moods, and they are hell to fight with. I mention all of this because my everyday life is extremely affected by my disorder. I have had very few things that I could really hold onto in my life, and here's the list:
Writing (poetry, music, vampire novellas)
Art (especially artistic nudes and tattoo art)
Role-playing
Working out (Weight lifting especially)
Goth (really, Neo Club-Kid)
Anim
Comic-books
Sci-fi
Horror (especially vampires)
and the occult.
Today, here's the list of things I actually have done in the last few months and enjoyed it...
Sketching (okay, I don't always enjoy it)
Watching movies (esp. Sci-Fi)
Looked at SG (which is usually for socializing rather than the nudity)
I have come to the painful realization that I don't enjoy much of anything in my life. The few sacred things I held onto my whole life are dwindling, perhaps nonexistent. I can't use my imagination anymore. Not at all. I can't talk to my imaginary friends. I can't role-play. I hate video-games, except maybe Tetris and cross-words. I feel like I don't know who I am anymore. I had little enough of a personality WITH all of those things. I even tried figuring out what it is that I enjoy now. Can't find a gorram thing. Not anything that I CAN do at the moment anyways.
I'm dying my hair later in the week. I'm hoping that will help me feel better, get me out of my slump. But I guess I'm realizing painfully, that people change... even me.
VIEW 6 of 6 COMMENTS
lilandra:
Hello gorgeous, most of what you say sounds alot like me too, i hope i can be one of your blessed few, im loking forward to meeting you this weekend! 
badrobot:
awww hon - that sounds like an awful lot of people!