xx_river_xx

I like everything about relationships and emotions and sex. Love and hate are the two most passionate emotions. For the same reason I love art. It's passionate! What I find lately is that I am still as passionate as ever, I still need that same passion in every aspect of my life, but things are getting boring. Rather, I'm trying to get them UN-boring, because they have been for so long now. I'd probably call myself a nympho too, if I was actually having sex (or even wanting to, given the oportunity). ... ... I feel like a nympho just got dropped into a convent. That is my marriage at the moment. Or rather, my LIFE at the moment.

I am a VERY passionate person myself. Everything used to be "life and death". I was in love with someone new every couple of weeks. I could NEVER decide what I wanted to be when I grew up. It was all just too gorram interesting! Now, it's much the same. I haven't changed at all really. Just my circumstances.

Now I'm married and have 3 kids and a husband in the military. Now if I want to go out to a club, I have to find a babysitter weeks in advance, which usually means babysitting HER kids for a night so SHE can go out, before getting my night out. And even my night out consists of maybe a couple hours of driving, standing in line, maybe eating, and probably getting some kind of running-around done while I'm out. Spontineity is out.

Plus the husband adds a whole other dimention. He never wants sex. Well, not NEVER, but it's always when I'm taking care of the kids or picking up his laundry off of the floor. When we were in highschool (and before we even thought about dating) we would sit around on my parents' couch and tempt and tease eachother for hours. Foreplay? out the window. If I'm wet already, he might keep it up long enough for us to have dis-satisfying sex. If not, he might try jumping right in and licking my clit a few times, but by the time he's gotten any kind of response from me, he's limp and sleepy. I have begun to realize that not all of my disfunctional-sex issue is me. At least THAT realization made me feel better.

My advice for young people who want to get married and have kids is this... DON'T DO IT!
I was BARELY 18 when I got married. Had my oldest daughter shortly after. I went straight from my parents' house to Crash's, never getting the chance to live on my own. I never got to experience my freedom before I lost it.

That said, after 4 years of marriage, we are both broadening our horizons. Swinging, partying more (with the help of my babysitter and best-friend, Jess)... We are doing a lot to try and fine-tune our relationship, and I am happier with the relationship than I've been since saying "I Do". Love is still a touchy subject. But I'm happy... most of the time.

On a completely unrelated note, I am thinking about cutting my hair again. Rather, I NEED to cut my hair again. It's WAY too thick and it's bugging me. I am thinking of doing a mowhawk. Shaved on the sides. But I've also considdered a LOT lately, just shaving it all and starting over. I've done both in the past. Just wondering what everyone else thought. Also, I've got a fair amount of hair still, so other cut suggestions are welcomed. I won't be getting it cut until the middle of next week. I'll TRY to keep this blog up through the weekend. (try being the operative word )