Okay okay, I know. I've been blogging like a madwoman lately. Apologies.
I spent the better portion of my afternoon in the ER today. I kept putting it off. I really don't like going to this ER. I've got just about everything wrong with me the last few days and today, I couldn't function. I got the flu a couple days ago. Compound that with the bronchitis that refuses to heal, the fibromyalgia I can't take medicine for at the moment, the migraines, the sinus infection.....
Oh, and I'm trying to quit smoking. I know it's "better for you in the long run" but it hurts like a son-of-a-bitch trying to quit while you've got bronchitis. I've been up the last 3 nights coughing. And I think the honeymoon phase is over...
Crash got back from greece and we had a week there where we got along. Better than that, I had a little libido in me. 
....but alas, that part has ended.
I know he'd get mad at me for talking about it, but I HAVE to... He can't keep it up. Getting it up is difficult too, but what bothers me most is we'll be going at it and he'll go soft on me. I mean, yeah, it is dissapointing to see the other guys bulging in their pants ready to cream if I just brushed them right, and then to see my husband with no more than an idiot grin. We swing. Most of you know that I'm sure. So I've got a regular playmate, and if I so much as lean across him while he's on the computer, he's ready to jump my bones! So why is it, if I get this reaction from every other guy I know, can't my husband seem to join the party? No amount of foreplay on my part ever gets him interested. The other night, he spent an HOUR playing with himself before he could get hard, and then within 5 minutes he went limp on me. Call my cynical, but I don't see the point after all that.
It really gets to your self-esteem when you have to deal with something like this. I mean, I know it probably bothers him just as much as it does me. But, all I keep thinking is things like "when I was thinner, he couldn't wait to get home from work to fuck me on his lunch break"..... and then his little innocent comments about needing to get me out and exercising more don't help. For the last couple of weeks I have really started buying in to all of the diet and exercise mumbo-jumbo. I exercise more than most people already. I love to work out. I do Yoga and belly dance and some weight-lifting every day. Plus I have 3 kids I constantly have to chase around and pick up. I walk a LOT. I'd love to get in the gym more, but mostly for the experience of it. I love the atmosphere, and the cable machines are so much better than freeweights for working certain areas.
So basically, over the last couple of weeks, I've felt fat and ugly because of some stupid comments he makes, and partially because of the Borderline Personality Disorder. BPD makes you question yourself and constantly need to redefine your self-image. So yes, I have been in one of my phases where I just want to look different and feel different. But I hate being one of those health-food bitches who refuses to eat what they WANT to because they think that one piece of cheesecake is going to ruin all of their work. I like healthy foods. I even like certain "health food" stuff. But I also like pasta and mexican food and beer! When I feel good, there is no reason in the world why I shouldn't do what I want, right?
After coming from a very BAD lifestyle before I had my kids, I completely re-invented myself. Several times actually. But this me is the first person I actually LIKE. I was seriously anorexic. So when I find myself thinking about what I'm eating or feeling fat, I have to nip it in the butt fast. I am so worried about falling into old habits, it isn't even funny. One thing that made me feel really bad about my looks lately was when my best friend said I looked pregnant. She stopped herself and said it's just because my tummy is more ROUND than normal, but I'm not FAT...
Anyone have any ideas on things to try with Crash to maybe jolt his interest? I have done everything in the Kama Sutra and beyond, I just can't seem to get his cock to get with the program. The rest of him seems interested enough. It's like his penis has a mind of it's own.
Still no news on my set. Waiting impatiently.
I spent the better portion of my afternoon in the ER today. I kept putting it off. I really don't like going to this ER. I've got just about everything wrong with me the last few days and today, I couldn't function. I got the flu a couple days ago. Compound that with the bronchitis that refuses to heal, the fibromyalgia I can't take medicine for at the moment, the migraines, the sinus infection.....
Oh, and I'm trying to quit smoking. I know it's "better for you in the long run" but it hurts like a son-of-a-bitch trying to quit while you've got bronchitis. I've been up the last 3 nights coughing. And I think the honeymoon phase is over...
Crash got back from greece and we had a week there where we got along. Better than that, I had a little libido in me. ....but alas, that part has ended.
I know he'd get mad at me for talking about it, but I HAVE to... He can't keep it up. Getting it up is difficult too, but what bothers me most is we'll be going at it and he'll go soft on me. I mean, yeah, it is dissapointing to see the other guys bulging in their pants ready to cream if I just brushed them right, and then to see my husband with no more than an idiot grin. We swing. Most of you know that I'm sure. So I've got a regular playmate, and if I so much as lean across him while he's on the computer, he's ready to jump my bones! So why is it, if I get this reaction from every other guy I know, can't my husband seem to join the party? No amount of foreplay on my part ever gets him interested. The other night, he spent an HOUR playing with himself before he could get hard, and then within 5 minutes he went limp on me. Call my cynical, but I don't see the point after all that.
It really gets to your self-esteem when you have to deal with something like this. I mean, I know it probably bothers him just as much as it does me. But, all I keep thinking is things like "when I was thinner, he couldn't wait to get home from work to fuck me on his lunch break"..... and then his little innocent comments about needing to get me out and exercising more don't help. For the last couple of weeks I have really started buying in to all of the diet and exercise mumbo-jumbo. I exercise more than most people already. I love to work out. I do Yoga and belly dance and some weight-lifting every day. Plus I have 3 kids I constantly have to chase around and pick up. I walk a LOT. I'd love to get in the gym more, but mostly for the experience of it. I love the atmosphere, and the cable machines are so much better than freeweights for working certain areas.
So basically, over the last couple of weeks, I've felt fat and ugly because of some stupid comments he makes, and partially because of the Borderline Personality Disorder. BPD makes you question yourself and constantly need to redefine your self-image. So yes, I have been in one of my phases where I just want to look different and feel different. But I hate being one of those health-food bitches who refuses to eat what they WANT to because they think that one piece of cheesecake is going to ruin all of their work. I like healthy foods. I even like certain "health food" stuff. But I also like pasta and mexican food and beer! When I feel good, there is no reason in the world why I shouldn't do what I want, right?
After coming from a very BAD lifestyle before I had my kids, I completely re-invented myself. Several times actually. But this me is the first person I actually LIKE. I was seriously anorexic. So when I find myself thinking about what I'm eating or feeling fat, I have to nip it in the butt fast. I am so worried about falling into old habits, it isn't even funny. One thing that made me feel really bad about my looks lately was when my best friend said I looked pregnant. She stopped herself and said it's just because my tummy is more ROUND than normal, but I'm not FAT...
Anyone have any ideas on things to try with Crash to maybe jolt his interest? I have done everything in the Kama Sutra and beyond, I just can't seem to get his cock to get with the program. The rest of him seems interested enough. It's like his penis has a mind of it's own.
Still no news on my set. Waiting impatiently.
VIEW 3 of 3 COMMENTS
As for your weight, if you're happy in your body (without all the comments, of course), then everybody else should fuck off. It sounds like you're doing a lot of good for yourself.
Much love.