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xviolentxbeautyx

BALTIMORE

Member Since 2004

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Sunday Jun 26, 2005

Jun 26, 2005
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Disclosure: THIS IS A RANT! I am not using this with malicious intent toward anyone. Im in a ranting mood, and Ranting is what Im going to do........IF you dont like it, then why are you here???

"Youll find a new and better one."
I've never been so insulted in all my life.
How can someone who has no "Right" say something
so insensitive, and cruel.
I dont think this person understands.
I LOVE MY LIFE.
Everyone has their ups and downs.
They deal with them.
Ive dealt with mine.
IT doesnt mean that my life is BAD.
IT doesnt mean I need a new one.
IT certainly does not mean this one is replaceable.
This sure as hell isnt eternal sunshine of the spotless mind,
Although I really wish it was.
I really wish I could just leave and take everything away,
and have no recollection if it all what so ever.
Than maybe there would be possibly a way to have a new and better life.
Unfortunately thats not reality.
I was watching Law and Order practically all weekend....
Thats what I do!
I've realized that I dont know what is worse.......
The fact you find out that your capable of doing something wrong,
or not remembering that you did it.
People make mistakes all the time,
some big some small.
Sometimes I think that the guilt they have to bear alone
is more then enough punishment in the world.
I'm a very confused individual right now.
I dont know if im coming or if Im going.
One minute Im very sensitive the next Im very angry.
I can go from frustrated to violent in 3.2 seconds.
Then turn around and be manic in an instant.
Im just tired of people looking at me like im stupid.
Put yourself in my shoes damn it.
I can feel this way, Im going to feel this way.
Whether you like it or not.
Tell me im wrong, that I have no right.......
fuck you fuck all of you.
Im sick and tired of fuckin bull shit.
Im sick and tired of thinking I Fucked up,
That Ive done damage.That ive caused hurt.
Forgive me for the selfish snide remark..
But what about me?
I think all is fair in love and war,
my hurt has been equally the same.
Dont even for one second think otherwise.
Im sick and tired of people that are
supposed to be "MY FRIENDS"
turning their back on me.
Whatever happened to loyalty.
Whatever happened to being there
for your friends.
Everyone has hard times,
Everyones hard times are different.
Yet the same..... their still hard.
I havent been angry in a very long time.
I was a very happy person.
Who just let life fly by,
Until it was too late.
Now Im stuck.
I feel like Ive went rock climbing
with people I really trusted.
And in an instant .......
just like that,
Im hanging from the side of a cliff,
just waiting,
holding on for my life,
hoping that someone
would at least try
to help me.
Kind of like the buddy system,
IF you were standing in front of someone
and were to fall backwards,
your buddy is there to catch you....
Will you catch me?????
VIEW 3 of 3 COMMENTS
mineux:
I know exactly how you are feeling, ive been there, currently, im numb and dealing, but here is some help... Its the poem that always snaps me back, even just a little...

IF

If you can keep your head when all about you
Are losing theirs and blaming it on you,
If you can trust yourself when all men doubt you
But make allowance for their doubting too,
If you can wait and not be tired by waiting,
Or being lied about, don't deal in lies,
Or being hated, don't give way to hating,
And yet don't look too good, nor talk too wise:
If you can dream--and not make dreams your master,
If you can think--and not make thoughts your aim;
If you can meet with Triumph and Disaster
And treat those two impostors just the same;
If you can bear to hear the truth you've spoken
Twisted by knaves to make a trap for fools,
Or watch the things you gave your life to, broken,
And stoop and build 'em up with worn-out tools:

If you can make one heap of all your winnings
And risk it all on one turn of pitch-and-toss,
And lose, and start again at your beginnings
And never breath a word about your loss;
If you can force your heart and nerve and sinew
To serve your turn long after they are gone,
And so hold on when there is nothing in you
Except the Will which says to them: "Hold on!"

If you can talk with crowds and keep your virtue,
Or walk with kings--nor lose the common touch,
If neither foes nor loving friends can hurt you;
If all men count with you, but none too much,
If you can fill the unforgiving minute
With sixty seconds' worth of distance run,
Yours is the Earth and everything that's in it,
And--which is more--you'll be a Man, my son!


--Rudyard Kipling
Jun 26, 2005
mercie:
well i guess that's why that lyrics is appropriate... no courage. you're leaning towards the existentialist point of view in life it seems. good. it's probably the only true point of view to have, since nothing is ever proven, and no one knows shit about life until they're dead, and how's that helping us? you know the saying, life's a bitch and then you die!
♥
Jun 29, 2005

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