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xtoxxicsuicidex

oklahoma city, OK

Member Since 2006

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Friday Apr 28, 2006

Apr 28, 2006
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I just watched Prozac nation.
Christina Ricci, Jason Biggs, and Anne Heche [<3 ] are all in it.

there is this one scene, the very last time she is talking to Dr. Sterling, and she's saying "i don't know who i am. i have this personality, and its fucked up. But its me... " and she's talking about what the prozac is doing to her. I can't kind of relate in a way. I just always have so many thoughts running through my mind all the time, and they conflict with each other. I confuse my self with my own thoughts. Is it possiable to be too open minded? Because i feel like i am. I just wish that i knew exactly who i am, and exactly what i like, and what i don't, and what i want to be, and what i want to do... Because then things would be alot less confusing. Or, maybe they would be more confusing? The thing is... is here i am. 18 years old. And i can't find myself. I'm like lost. Does this make any sense? I think, i experienced too many things in life, early on. I kind of feel like i should be retiring. Sometimes, i just want to move back to michigan, and pretend i am 12. Get in touch with all of my old friends, Lay back, and listen to some Nsync.

See, and even right now, as i'm typing this. I'm thinking.. Whats the point? No one cares. No one is going to read this, and no one is going to comment this to tell me they feel the same, Because i doubt anyone can even understand what i'm trying to say. I'm two complete opposites in one body. Not Bi Polar. Not schizophrenic. But, its like i like my alone time... but im lonely and i want company. then when i have company i get irritaited and want to have some privacy. I'm happy, and i'm sad. I like Black, and White. Up And Down. All at once. and... I don't want to chose just one way, because then i wouldn't be me.

So i'm just torn into peices right now. I want so much that i can't have... And everything i can have.. i don't want... and everything i have... i take forgranted without even realizing it and without trying. I'm becoming a hypocrit. and i hate hypocrits. I'm not depressed though. I'm not fucked up, like christina ricci's character. I'm just.. Lost?
VIEW 8 of 8 COMMENTS
ketchup_suicide:
haha
you need to send me all those pics in their real size
on myspace or something
:]
May 7, 2006
asilanne:
I think expecting yourself to know exactly who you are at 18 is pretty harsh. I have a pretty clear idea of who I am now, but I would hate the idea of having it all lined up for me. Where would the fun be?
May 9, 2006

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