The proverbial tide has turned.
Picture this: Moving into a new home. Unpacking and sorting 80% of my belongings within the first two weeks and leaving the remainder for the next two and a half months. My bedroom has been a chaotic scene of belongings without homes and clothes without hangers etc etc etc.
Last night I went home and spent two and a half hours sorting out my life. I say my life because I believe your bedroom/house if a reflection of your life. I've probably got a good hour to go and I plan to tackle that when I get home from burlesque class tonight. I'm actually going home tonight as opposed to going anywhere else but home in order to avoid looking at the choas, as I've chosen to do for the last two and a half months. Out of sight..
Today is a good day. I had a bit of an awakening last night. I think I'm a "thrill" junky. Always looking for the next something new, the next place, the next relationship, the next anything exciting. And then the honeymoon period ends and I get bored and restless and move on. Like mmmm that dress was hot the first time I wore it but then I realised I was still the same person underneath the fabric. Time for a new one. Maybe instead of constantly trying to change my surroundings I need to look at changing aspects of myself.
I get into these sort of motivationless ruts. My filing builds up and my washing builds up and the dishes build up and the dust builds up and the hopelessness builds up and the apathy builds up but i'm too busy to notice because I purposefully make sure that I'm out and about and doing things so that I can pretend not to notice the ensuing choas. And then i get twitchy. To the point where I feel like I can't even breath in my own home (aka life) because there is just so much shit going on everywhere that if I so much as sneeze I'm going to knock something purchased precariously on top of three other somethings and the whole thing is going to come crashing down around me.
And then through the thick of the fog and dust alike a kind of maniacy present itself and for a few months I'm bouncing off the walls, sorting out six months of everything that's been left during my down and out times, and feeling like I could conquer the world. Which is where I am now and which I think is what I was sensing under the surface yesterday.
Manic depression say you?
An eccentric point of feeling say I.
Although I'm sure it must be very confusing for you all to follow my train of thoughts starting at point a) I want to quit my job and go on centrelink so I can get cheek piercings (although I do want cheek piercings) to b) blah blah blah fuck everything I can't be fucked to c) i'm bored and restless and it's time for coffee break all in one day to d) hey guys last night I decided to sort my shit, the following - believe me it's just as messed up on this side of the glass
so thanks for listening.
Picture this: Moving into a new home. Unpacking and sorting 80% of my belongings within the first two weeks and leaving the remainder for the next two and a half months. My bedroom has been a chaotic scene of belongings without homes and clothes without hangers etc etc etc.
Last night I went home and spent two and a half hours sorting out my life. I say my life because I believe your bedroom/house if a reflection of your life. I've probably got a good hour to go and I plan to tackle that when I get home from burlesque class tonight. I'm actually going home tonight as opposed to going anywhere else but home in order to avoid looking at the choas, as I've chosen to do for the last two and a half months. Out of sight..
Today is a good day. I had a bit of an awakening last night. I think I'm a "thrill" junky. Always looking for the next something new, the next place, the next relationship, the next anything exciting. And then the honeymoon period ends and I get bored and restless and move on. Like mmmm that dress was hot the first time I wore it but then I realised I was still the same person underneath the fabric. Time for a new one. Maybe instead of constantly trying to change my surroundings I need to look at changing aspects of myself.
I get into these sort of motivationless ruts. My filing builds up and my washing builds up and the dishes build up and the dust builds up and the hopelessness builds up and the apathy builds up but i'm too busy to notice because I purposefully make sure that I'm out and about and doing things so that I can pretend not to notice the ensuing choas. And then i get twitchy. To the point where I feel like I can't even breath in my own home (aka life) because there is just so much shit going on everywhere that if I so much as sneeze I'm going to knock something purchased precariously on top of three other somethings and the whole thing is going to come crashing down around me.
And then through the thick of the fog and dust alike a kind of maniacy present itself and for a few months I'm bouncing off the walls, sorting out six months of everything that's been left during my down and out times, and feeling like I could conquer the world. Which is where I am now and which I think is what I was sensing under the surface yesterday.
Manic depression say you?
An eccentric point of feeling say I.
Although I'm sure it must be very confusing for you all to follow my train of thoughts starting at point a) I want to quit my job and go on centrelink so I can get cheek piercings (although I do want cheek piercings) to b) blah blah blah fuck everything I can't be fucked to c) i'm bored and restless and it's time for coffee break all in one day to d) hey guys last night I decided to sort my shit, the following - believe me it's just as messed up on this side of the glass
so thanks for listening. VIEW 3 of 3 COMMENTS
southernguynj:
lol... i'm a bit confused but that's A okay! Keep smiling cool girl!
liquor_blue:
this is me at the moment my life is one thing to the next where I have to pick myself up and start all over again. I can relate to this post quite a bit.