So I'm back to dating life. I guess this is the downside of my hoping I could share my enjoyment of other women with my girlfriend. We now are firmly broken up. It was her decision, and not mine, but she did let me know she wanted me to avoid being with anyone else if I wanted to fight for our relationship. I took this to mean that she wanted to throw the ball back into my court. However, the ball has always been in her court really, because she is the one saying she doesn't trust me, and I know that no relationship can continue when trust is gone. At least no relationship SHOULD continue without trust.
Ironically the reason she didn't trust me is that I kept talking to her about things she didn't want to hear. Then she went through my emails, one day when I left her alone with my computer. That is a major violation of trust to me, and she has only done this once before, but this was just blatant prying. She searched through my emails and found that some girl was writing me on Google+...Then when I got home she flipped out about it. Frankly, for me, just knowing she was going through my emails was bad enough. The girl I was talking to was not a threat to her, any more than Suicide Girls is...but then she brought up Suicide Girls and how she never knows what I am doing on here...which is ridiculous because the only reason she doesn't know what I am doing on here is because she never wanted to talk about it.
So we are broken up now, and I am "released, free, and single" according to her. I can't stop having feelings for her, but I know since she has proven she can't trust me, we can't be together. I also can't have her violating my trust either. I am a dedicated boyfriend, and it is just sad it couldn't have been clearer to her that I only wanted to BE with her. I feel like talking to other women, either on here or online elsewhere, should not ever amount to a problem unless I did something more than talk. And besides that, I never tried to hide anything. The email she found would have been shared with her if she had asked! Really all this does is strengthen my resolve to be as honest as ever with whoever I am in a relationship next, and be sure she can handle talking about everything!
Ironically the reason she didn't trust me is that I kept talking to her about things she didn't want to hear. Then she went through my emails, one day when I left her alone with my computer. That is a major violation of trust to me, and she has only done this once before, but this was just blatant prying. She searched through my emails and found that some girl was writing me on Google+...Then when I got home she flipped out about it. Frankly, for me, just knowing she was going through my emails was bad enough. The girl I was talking to was not a threat to her, any more than Suicide Girls is...but then she brought up Suicide Girls and how she never knows what I am doing on here...which is ridiculous because the only reason she doesn't know what I am doing on here is because she never wanted to talk about it.
So we are broken up now, and I am "released, free, and single" according to her. I can't stop having feelings for her, but I know since she has proven she can't trust me, we can't be together. I also can't have her violating my trust either. I am a dedicated boyfriend, and it is just sad it couldn't have been clearer to her that I only wanted to BE with her. I feel like talking to other women, either on here or online elsewhere, should not ever amount to a problem unless I did something more than talk. And besides that, I never tried to hide anything. The email she found would have been shared with her if she had asked! Really all this does is strengthen my resolve to be as honest as ever with whoever I am in a relationship next, and be sure she can handle talking about everything!
machsnicht:
Cant wait to hear about your trip to Southern California!
xsntt:
Well, good to hear from you, Machschnell, ha! Southern California was not as hot (both literally and figuratively) as I had hoped it would be. The situation was sort of uncomfortable and I learned some things about polyamory that I hadn't really hoped to learn. We should discuss it more in person...whenever you have time. I have some other wonderful news for you though, so we really should meet up.